You Might Not Love Me Anymore
by robinashley
Summary: As Sarah O'Brien departs Downton Abbey and her replacement arrives, Charles and Elsie are forced to adapt to the changes that she brings.
1. A Departure

**A/N: Just a prompt that I'm filling for a sweet friend! Chapter two will be up Monday night at the latest! :] Story title is from Jealous Guy by John Lennon.**

Disclaimer: Don't own them, you know that.

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It was a strange feeling, she had to admit. If she was being completely honest with herself she was having a bit of a problem sorting out exactly what emotion she was feeling. Sitting in the dim light of her sitting room she took another sip of bitter tea, slightly cool, and closed her eyes.

She had never been friends with the woman, no. Of course not. Most days she would have seen her gone and forgotten and not felt the worse for it. _But still_. But still. Her eyes popped open and she let out a frustrated sigh. If she could only get to the bottom of those two words. _But still_.

Sarah O'Brien was a nasty woman. She was petty and catty and impertinent. Sour and sallow. She had never extended even the slightest offer of friendship and on more than one occasion was guilty of actively trying to sabotage the happiness of many that Elsie held very near. She was truly the most horrid one of them all. _One of them all_.

Elsie exhaled and the furrow in her brow softened. There it was. The root of her _but still_. Miss O'Brien was a right bitch of a woman, that couldn't be denied, but still...she was **one of them.**

The settee creaked as she stood, walking to the tea tray that she kept in the corner. She had lost many a coworker over the years, of course. Such was the nature of a big house. She had done a not insignificant amount of the firing herself. But she had not shared a lengthy history with any of the ones she had lost. Usually she could hold tight to a sense of pride and goodwill when she watched a young maid leave for a better job, or a young footman leave to seek a valet position, taking with them all that Downton had taught them. Even when circumstances called for a dismissal, as in the case of Edna, she felt vindicated that she was making the right decision in steering unsuitable girls away from a career that they would neither excel at nor enjoy. Ethel...well, Ethel was a different story.

She rolled her eyes and pushed the memory of the young mother to the back of her mind, drying her hands and turning down her lamp. Sarah O'Brien's decision to leave was one that simply left Elsie feeling confused. She had not specified a reason for her choice, though she made it clear that there would be no talking her out of it. Elsie doubted anyone would try.

Taking a deep breath she put a hand on her door with a sigh and one last turn toward the room. Before she could pull on the knob she was nearly knocked over by it's opening.

"Oh, I do apologize! I thought you would still be up. Please, excuse me." He was bumbling a bit as he took a step back toward the hallway, which Elsie knew better than anyone was a sign that he was feeling a bit insecure...which meant that he was hoping to talk.

"Don't be silly, Charles, come in."

She rolled her eyes when he hesitated and walked back into the room without waiting for him, busying herself relighting a lamp.

"I don't want to be a bother." His voice was distant and when she turned toward him she realized that it was because he was still standing in the hallway.

Her eyes softened and she gave him a tired smile. "You're never a bother. Come in, please. I was only going to bed out of boredom."

He stepped into the room and waited for her to sit before he did, on the settee beside her, always at a respectable distance. "Well, I don't believe you for a moment, but I'm grateful for the lie."

She smiled at him, genuinely, and waited for him to begin speaking. She had known Charles Carson for what seemed like a lifetime and had learned to read his every mood. It was best not to push him for conversation. He would come to you when he was ready. He always came to her when he was ready.

He waited only a moment to turn to her, "I was not expecting that."

She sighed and nodded, almost imperceptibly. "Nor was I, Mr. Carson. Nor was I."

"It will mean a shift in responsibility and a search for a suitable replacement. We'll have to make due until one is found."

She shrugged. "Between Anna and myself we can manage nicely until we've found the right woman." She paused and looked around the room before continuing, "It will certainly be a change."

"Though not a particularly negative one, if we're being quite honest."

She didn't miss the hint of a smile in his voice and let out a small laugh. "No. Not an altogether negative one."

He raised an eyebrow at her and relaxed a bit against the side of the settee. She could feel his eyes on her but didn't feel the need to make conversation. After a few moments of silence he spoke, "What are you thinking?"

She turned her head to meet his gaze, a bit caught off guard by his bluntness but warmed by his interest. "I was just thinking about this place. My time here. I've seen a lot of life here, that's the truth. But I've always had four constants. The work has always been plentiful and steady, for one." He lightly chuckled at her understatement, "The other three have been yourself, Beryl Patmore, and Sarah O'Brien. We're the Old Guard, Charles, and while I haven't always been pleased with her presence I've always been sure of it. And now that's she's announced her decision to leave, as silly as it seems, I don't know exactly how to feel."

He leaned toward her, almost imperceptibly, and sighed. "Yes. Things are changing. I try to convince myself that they're changing for the better but..." His voice trailed off and he studied the floor.

She waited for him to continue but spoke when he did not. "I can't help feeling that I'm reaching the stage in my life when I'll be saying goodbye to more endings than I am hello to new beginnings."

She felt rather than saw his nod and shifted under the heavy quiet of the room, finally shaking her head to clear her thoughts.

"Listen to us, Charles Carson. Sulking like a couple of old fools! There's no need for such melancholic nonsense. And over a woman that neither of us even like!"

He smiled and then laughed, sparkle in his eye, "No, no I suppose there isn't. We'll have plenty of time for that when we reach old age."

"While I'm afraid that reaching old age is a mite closer than you'd believe, Charles, I will concede that we haven't quite gotten there yet."

He smiled and without warning found her hand on the settee and squeezed it. "This is simply another curve in the road. We'll adapt and excel like we always do, Elsie."

She squeezed his hand back, no longer amazed at the way he always understood what she was trying to say, always knew the right way to respond. He didn't always follow through on that knowledge, of course. No, there had been many a row that began with Charles Carson choosing to ignore his instincts about Elsie Hughes. But at the end of the day, he was the one person she could count on to understand her. There was something to be said for that.

"We should head up to bed, you know. Tomorrow is going to be busy dealing with this situation." She sighed and reluctantly let go of his hand as he stood and waited for her to gather her things.

Elsie spoke as they climbed the stairs side by side, "I suppose Miss O'Brien will be even less amenable than usual now that she has no need of manners or benevolence. Perhaps we should warn the staff..."

They both laughed as they turned the final corner. "I will choose to consider these next two weeks to be the last battle of a long war, Mrs. Hughes, at which point I will be repaid with a blessed season of peace."

She laid a strong hand gently on his forearm, "Oh, Charles. You must be joking."

His brow furrowed and she grinned, a spark in her eye, "If you think that peace will come with Miss O'Brien's absence I'm afraid you're in for a very rude awakening. We may be losing the ringleader but we've still an entire circus to run."

"Well, then. We should certainly get to bed. It takes quite a bit of strength to tame a lion, even when there are two of us trying." He smiled down at her as she nodded.

"Goodnight, Mr. Carson."

He nodded and bowed slightly, "Mrs. Hughes."

.

.

She realized as she changed into her nightclothes that she was still smiling. She bit her lip as an attempt to regain her composure and sank mercifully into bed. Times were changing, that was to be sure, but she knew that no matter what changes came their way she and Charles would handle them together, as they always did. The smile was still on her lips as she faded off to sleep.

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**I hope you enjoyed the intro chapter. More up as soon as possible. **


	2. An Addition

**A/N: Here we meet Alice! This chapter is setting up the rest of the story, so we'll be rolling on full steam ahead from here on out! :] Thank you so much for the reviews and follows! I hope you're enjoying it and that you will enjoy meeting Alice as much as I did. **

**Disclaimer: As usual, they don't belong to me.**

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Elsie started at the blur of blonde hair flying past her door. "Oh! Anna!"

Before she could rise from her desk to walk to the door Anna poked her head around the corner, torn evening gown in hand-lovely and elegant but decidedly plain...Edith's then, not Mary's.

"Yes, Mrs. Hughes?" She was a bit flushed and flustered but polite as always.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you when you're in a rush, my dear, but I do need to speak with you," she extended a hand, motioning Anna into her parlor.

"I'm sure you've already surmised that with Miss O'Brien's decision to leave Downton it will fall to you and I to maintain her duties until a replacement is found." She waited for Anna's nod before continuing. "Even then it will take some time for the new maid to settle in and learn the routine of Downton-our standards, our rhythm."

Anna shifted the dress to her other arm and nodded, "Yes Mrs. Hughes. I will say I was surprised by Miss O'Brien, though neither Mr. Bates nor myself will be losing any sleep over her departure."

Elsie bit her lip to hide her grin. "Yes, well, I think we can likely agree on that. I do appreciate your help, Anna, I wanted you to know that. You're a great support to me and I am grateful. Between the two of us we'll surely have the new maid trained in no time."

It was impossible to miss the slight straightening of the younger woman's posture, the pretty blush in her cheeks that came with the pride of appreciation. "Of course, Mrs. Hughes. Have you placed an ad yet?"

Elsie rolled her eyes, "She only announced her decision last night, Anna. But, yes...I have written the ad and have asked James to run it to the paper as soon as lunch has been served. I suppose we can expect the first replies by next week."

Anna didn't miss the sigh that escaped Elsie's lips, "I don't envy you, Mrs. Hughes, interviewing all the girls, trying to find a fit. It can't be easy."

Anna couldn't have been more right. She hated interviewing new maids. It was always a gamble as to whether or not they would fit in with the existing staff, of course. Their skill set and previous references had to be considered. As loathe as Elsie was to admit it she did have to consider appearance, as well. Prim and poised enough to be presentable, but not so coiffed or vain to present a problem to the young footmen and hall boys. Boys will be boys, Charles would say. No, no. Elsie had been there before and had no interest in that kind of trouble again. The hardest part, though she would never admit it, was knowing that she was sending away young girls that were able and willing to work and learn. There was a mother's soul in Elsie that ached at the thought of rejecting them.

"It isn't. Still, I've done quite well in the past if I do say so myself." She winked at Anna, "I found you, didn't I?"

Anna grinned and nodded, "Yes, ma'am. And if that doesn't prove your powers of discernment I don't know what will."

Elsie laughed and walked to the door, "I won't keep you any longer, Lady Edith will be wanting her dress before dinner."

"Yes, I expect she will. Torn hem line. I'll have it fixed before lunch and was hoping to head back home for a moment or two before dinner?"

Elsie knew, as did everyone, that Anna had been spending every spare second of her time over the past few months turning the small cottage she shared with her husband into a home. Sewing curtains, hanging paintings. Elsie was proud of the wife that Anna had become and wanted to give her every advantage to a happy life.

"Of course. If you have no work to complete I don't see what it could hurt."

Anna skirted past Carson on her way to the kitchen. "Thank you, Mrs. Hughes. Good morning, Mr. Carson."

Charles nodded toward Anna's back as she rushed away, pushing the door to Elsie's parlor to as he walked into the room.

"What's she on about?"

Sitting behind her desk to continue the work that had been interrupted she answered absentmindedly, "She'll be heading to the cottage after lunch."

Charles grumbled a bit and eyed Elsie with a raised eyebrow. "I see."

She put down the pen she was holding and rolled her eyes. "I don't see the harm in letting Anna spend an hour or two cleaning her home as she has no work to attend to, thank you very much, Mr. Carson."

"You are _far_ too easy on that girl. I'm sure we're not out of work to be done. We are paying her, you know."

She took a deep breath and unconsciously raised her voice, "Yes, Mr. Carson, we _are_ paying Anna. We're paying her far too little for all that she does and considering the amount of help she'll be giving to this house in the coming weeks with the absence of a lady's maid I don't think it unreasonable to give her an afternoon to herself."

He pulled to his full height, ready to match to her tone, before realizing that she had simply gone back to her bookkeeping, not even looking in his direction. "Yes, well, I suppose it won't hurt anything."

Eyes still on her paper, "No, Mr. Carson, I don't suppose it will."

He moved to the chair beside her desk and sat down, watching her work for a moment before remembering why he had come to see her in the first place. "Have you written the advertisement?"

"I have." She handed him a folded piece of paper, neatly scrolled in the handwriting that he knew so well. "I've asked James to run it to town for me after he's finished serving lunch. I was just mentioning to Anna that we should probably begin receiving replies by this time next week." She leaned back in her chair, "I can't say I'm looking forward to wading through them."

"Yes, I sympathize, but it is, as it turns out, fortunate that we'll have a quick reply." He took a deep breath at her look of confusion, "I spoke with His Lordship this morning and he informed me that Her Ladyship has given Miss O'Brien permission to leave on Friday."

"_**This**_ Friday?"

He gave her a pained nod. "Apparently the Marquess of Flintshire will be passing by Downton and offered, I'm sure he thought kindly, to collect Miss O'Brien while he's here rather than leaving her to make the journey to the Highlands alone a week later."

Elsie laid her pen on the desk with far more force than was necessary and sighed. "This means that we will have _three_ more days with O'Brien in this house and then Anna and I will be alternating shifts."

"Not to stoke the fire, but this also means that we'll have guests for the night on Friday and will have to prepare for that."

Elsie tried to be angry, but the look of apology on his face was enough to make her laugh. "Well what's an extra guest when you're as busy as we are? The more the merrier, I say."

Charles winced at her, "Let's not go borrowing trouble, shall we?"

Unless he was imagining things her eyes drifted over his body before she smiled back at him, "No, Charles Carson, I do believe you're trouble enough all on your own."

She nearly missed the blush on his face as she turned back to her work but looked up as he stood.

"I've got to get luncheon started. I'll spare James as soon as I can and send him down to collect your post and the advertisement. Let the games begin."

She bit her lip as he disappeared around the corner, looking as handsome as ever if she did say so herself. She never tired of watching him bumble and blush at her shameless flirting. He would deny noticing anything, of course, but that was half the fun. She sighed and leaned back in her chair. Oh, but she did adore that man.

.

Her thoughts and work were interrupted by Jimmy bouncing in what felt like moments later, but must have been closer to an hour.

"Make sure the newspaper prints this tonight, James. We're in a bit of a time crunch and I'd like to get the candidates in here as soon as possible."

"Yes, Mrs. Hughes. And what kind of, well, candidates usually apply for a job as a lady's maid?"

Elsie's brow furrowed, "The kind of candidates that are capable of doing the job, James."

He smiled and nodded, "Yes, of course. I was simply wondering what the age of such a candidate might be, ma'am. Only because I wouldn't want to make anyone feel unwelcome and I feel it's best, as I'm sure you do, Mrs. Hughes, to prepare for the arrival of a new staff member with as much information as possible."

Oh, for heavens sake. She stood and walked to the door, motioning for him to leave, "Deliver the post, James. You don't have time to be dawdling."

He nodded once and left as Elsie tried to calm the rising uneasiness in her gut. No turning back now.

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Elsie laid her head on her desk without an ounce of grace or poise, desperately praying for the aching pain in her head to subside. The girl that had just left her office had been so garishly unsuitable that Elsie hadn't even seen fit to complete her standard questions. She had interviewed five girls since Tuesday before last and had not found any of them to be a suitable fit for Downton. In addition, she had seen to dressing Cora every night and morning while Anna tended to Lady Edith and Lady Mary. She was exhausted, frustrated, and, quite frankly, in a horrid mood. The knock at her door did nothing to brighten it.

"She's off, Mrs. Hugh-Mrs. Hughes? Are you alright?"

Carson hurried to her side and she quickly lifted her head and smoothed her dress. "Yes, Mr. Carson, thank you. I'm perfectly fine. I just have a bit of a headache, that's all. There's no need to fuss."

He looked at her with worry but a resigned nod. "I take it your interview didn't go well."

She shook her head and watched him walk to her tea tray. "I'm seeing one more girl this afternoon. She's the last of the scheduled interviews. If she doesn't work out it's back to the newspaper."

"I see. Well perhaps they've saved the best for last." He handed her a biscuit and motioned for her to stand. "Come sit down for a bit. I'll bring you a cup of tea."

"I can get my own tea, Mr. Carson. You've got your own work to do."

"I know you _can_ get your own tea, but I'm getting it for you. Now sit down."

He was gone before she could protest. She settled onto the settee and sighed at how good it felt to simply relax for a moment. It wasn't often that she had someone to look after her, which was just fine for a woman as independent as Elsie Hughes, but she had to admit that she did rather enjoy the feeling of being taken care of every once in a while. Especially since the person that usually did the caring was Charles Carson. She couldn't remember when it started, she only knew that for as long as she could remember she had been able to count on him to make sure she rested and ate and took a deep breath every time she was too busy to force herself. She tried to do the same for him and the mutual consideration had given them a rhythm and a routine that fit them like a glove. It had become who they were.

"Here. Now sit up and drink something."

She was pulled out of her thoughts by the cup of steaming tea that had been shoved into her hands. It was sweetened with honey and milk, exactly the way she liked it. As always.

"Thank you."

He sat down at her desk and watched her for a moment. "This last girl...what time does she arrive?"

"2:30. She's taking the train in and is walking from the station." She shrugged, "I would have been more than happy to send someone for her but she insisted in her letter that she was more than capable of walking and would enjoy the fresh air."

"Imagine that, a woman insisting that she doesn't need any help."

Elsie glared at him but took another sip of tea to hide her smile. "She sounds like a keeper already, then."

He shifted a bit uncomfortably in her desk chair. "I don't want to tell you what to do, Mrs. Hughes..." Her eye roll stopped him.

"No. That would be horribly unlike you."

He cleared his throat, "I don't want to tell you what to do, Mrs. Hughes, but I will point out the inconvenience that would come with placing another ad in the paper...for you, I mean."

She set her teacup down slowly. "And you think that for that reason I should make sure that this girl sticks."

"I'm simply suggesting that you might overlook any flaws that could be easily corrected. If she has good references and a respectful tone I can't imagine that you couldn't turn her into an excellent lady's maid."

"I think I know how to conduct a simple interview, Mr. Carson." She sighed, "But you're right. I would hate to place another ad. And I never was a good lady's maid and will be happy to retire. But let's not be defeatist, Mr. Carson! There's every chance in the world that she'll be a perfectly excellent candidate that we can all agree on."

He stood and walked into the hallway. "I suppose we'll see in a few hours, won't we?"

.

.

At 3:15 Elsie Hughes found herself-blessedly-sitting across from one of the most charming young women she'd had the privilege of meeting in years. 31 years old, tall, beautiful auburn hair, pale blue eyes. If Elsie were a more conceited woman she would admit that she could see a bit of herself 20 years ago. More importantly, Alice Davies was more than competent. She had worked as a lady's maid at her current house for just over five years and came with superb references. Elsie was so relieved to have found someone that she nearly forgot to ask a very important question.

"I'd be curious to know, Miss Davies, why you've decided to leave your current position. Your employers speak very highly of you and from all that you've told me today I can see that you enjoy your work."

"Yes, ma'am, that's all very true." She didn't miss the young woman shift in her seat and knot her hands. "I have been quite happy there, Mrs. Hughes. But the time has simply come for me to look for a position that I feel will offer me a more permanent home. Lady Elisabeth, I'm sure you're aware, is marrying at the end of the summer, leaving me in want of a job."

Elsie nodded for her to continue. She _had_ heard that Lady Elisabeth Felsham, a young woman that she only knew as a childhood friend of Lady Edith's, was to be married at the end of the year. Charles had mentioned it more than once in passing, but she was a bit confused as to why Lady Elisabeth hadn't asked Miss Davies to accompany her to her new home. When the girl didn't continue her story Elsie decided not to press her. _Good references and a respectable tone_. She tried, for once in her life, to listen to Charles.

She took a deep breath and smiled a genuine smile of relief. "Well, Miss Davies, I'm sure that you'll be very happy here. When would you be able to start?"

Elsie's heart warmed a bit as she watched the girl's face light up. "As soon as possible, Mrs. Hughes. I can pack my belongings and be back by Monday to begin."

She nodded, "Very well, Miss Davies. We look forward to seeing you then. I'll be sending the car to meet you at the station to collect your things. You can please send a telegram letting me know what train you'll be taking so that we can be sure to arrive on time. You can spend Monday settling in and we'll get started on Tuesday."

Alice nodded happily in agreement and Elsie walked around her desk to help the girl gather her things. "If you've time before you go I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Carson, butler of Downton Abbey. He'll be very keen to meet you, I'm sure."

"Of course, Mrs. Hughes, whatever you'd like. I'm sure I'll be getting to know Mr. Carson well before long."

Elsie nodded warmly and ushered the girl down the hallway, pausing at Carson's door barely long enough to knock before entering.

Alice followed lightly behind, taking in her new surroundings. There was something about Mrs. Hughes that she responded to very nicely. She was firm and capable, that much was obvious, but she was also quite warm, pretty. She'd not pressed her questions past what was necessary for the job, which Alice had been very grateful for, and she seemed eager to take her under her wing. If she had to leave Lady Elisabeth she was beginning to believe that Downton Abbey was the next best thing.

She stopped behind Mrs. Hughes and took in the man rising from his desk. Tall, broad shouldered, greying but very handsome. She didn't miss the pronounced groove at his brow line, no doubt cultivated after years of worrying over and managing a large estate. She also, however, saw the laugh lines that shadowed his eyes, which told her that though he worked at being stern and intimidating, that wasn't who he was.

"Mr. Carson, I'd like you to meet her Ladyship's new lady's maid, Miss Alice Davies."

Carson nodded in her direction and bowed slightly. "I'm pleased to make your acquaintance, Miss Davies. I'm sure you'll be a very happy addition to Downton. Where is it that you're coming to us from?"

"Thank you, Mr. Carson. I'm currently working as Lady Elisabeth Felsham's lady's maid, sir."

He nodded, hands behind his back, working to maintain as much height and presence as he could. For her part, Alice looked appropriately cowed and respectful but Elise rolled her eyes at the display. Honestly, she didn't know what she was going to do with the man sometimes.

"I see. But with her upcoming nuptials you've decided to come to us."

Alice nodded while Elsie shot Charles a look that he knew from experience meant _"Be nice."_

"Well, how very fortunate for _us_. When will you be making the trip to Downton?"

Elsie nodded her approval as Alice continued, "Monday, sir. I'm very much looking forward to it."

"As are we, Miss Davies." He offered her a genuine smile that she returned. "I'm afraid you must excuse me now so that I can finish preparing for tonight's dinner. Mrs. Hughes will show you out."

"Thank you, Mr. Carson."

As she followed her into the hallway she didn't miss the small smile that Elsie threw back to the butler as he settled back into his desk behind a decanter of wine. Alice had always had a sixth sense about people. She was perceptive and intuitive and, frankly, not much got past her. She could feel the affection between the two of them and smiled to herself. Downton might be a very nice place to call home indeed. She stopped with Elsie at the back door.

"Well, Alice, dear, we'll be seeing you on Monday, then. I'm very pleased that you will be joining us."

"As am I, Mrs. Hughes, and thank you for a lovely afternoon. I know that I'll like Downton very much indeed." She turned to exit and took a deep breath as she stepped into the summer air to brace herself. Her new life, it seemed, was beginning.

As Elsie shut the door behind her she released a deep breath of her own. Thankfully, just this once, she felt like the fates had been on her side. Things might be changing at Downton, but Elsie Hughes was beginning to think they were changing for the better.


	3. A Familiar Routine

**A/N: This is as sad or angsty as it will get, I promise, and it really isn't bad at all! **

**Disclaimer: I own my dear Alice...sadly, no one else.**

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Carrying four sets of sheets down two flights of stairs may have sounded simple, but Alice Davies was quickly learning that it was not. Flying around the corner at the bottom of the stone staircase, eyes barely visible above the pile, sheets flew into the air as she collided head-on with a very exasperated housekeeper.

"Mrs. Hughes! I'm sorry! Oh, I'm very sorry. I should have been looking where I was going..." her voice become muffled as she bent to collect the linens, as much to hide her deep blush as to clean up the mess.

"Yes, you _should_ have, Miss Davies. But I don't think there's any harm done, is there?" Elsie bent to help the girl and took half the pile in her arms.

"Why are you bringing down the linens in the first place? That isn't your job."

"No, ma'am. But Lynn was collecting them and seemed to be running behind a bit. I had already finished with Her Ladyship and didn't think it would hurt anything to take them down myself." She looked to the ceiling and rolled her eyes, something so familiar to Elsie in the gesture. "I suppose I was wrong. About hurting anything, I mean."

Elsie smiled in spite of herself. "Perhaps a bit." She turned and dropped her armful as a flustered laundress ran down the steps, obviously quite behind in her morning duties. "Lynn! Finish what you're doing and take this mess to the laundry immediately. I will remind you in the future that it is _your_ responsibility to do your job. _Promptly_."

"Yes, Mrs. Hughes," the girl nodded and rushed to the kitchen while Elsie placed a hand on Alice's arm and led her down the hallway to her parlor.

Alice had been fitting in quite nicely thus far and Elsie had grown very fond of her over the past two weeks, but she found herself on more than one occasion having to pull the woman aside for the conversation that she was bracing herself to have yet again.

Alice knew what was coming, of course. This would be the fourth time in two weeks that she had taken part in this particular conversation. She didn't do it on purpose. She just considered herself very blessed to have found a house like Downton, one where she liked her superiors, liked her employers, and liked the people around her. She missed Lady Elisabeth and thought of her throughout every day...but Downton was warm and it was full of laughter. She wanted to see it run smoothly.

Elsie leaned against the back of her desk and offered Alice a pained smile. "Miss Davies."

Alice wanted to interrupt, tell her that she knew what she was going to say, that she would try not to let it happen again, but she didn't want to seem impertinent or insolent so she waited for her to continue.

"Miss Davies I was hoping that we would not be having this conversation again."

"Yes, Mrs. Hughes. I know and I apologize."

"Lynn knows that her work is her responsibility. She knows when the day begins and if she chose to get a late start it is _her_ responsibility to spend the day catching up. She's a lazy girl and she needs to learn discipline if she's going to remain in service."

"Yes, Mrs. Hughes." Alice knotted her hands and concentrated on her feet.

"All that to say, of course, that it is _not_, Miss Davies, _your_ responsibility to take on her work." Elsie sighed and took a deep breath, "Just as it was not _your_ responsibility to spend last Thursday's dinner running up and downstairs because James convinced you that his "weak ankles" needed to rest, as it was not _your_ responsibility to organize the silver last Tuesday on Mr. Carson's half-day because Alfred mentioned being tired, as it was not _your_ responsibility to mend His Lordship's dinner jacket because you thought that Mr. Bates was, and I quote, "in need of a night with his wife.'"

Mrs. Hughes resisted the urge to roll her eyes and took a step toward Alice, whose eyes had not left the floor.

"Miss Davies. Being the newest addition to a big house is not easy, I concede. It takes time to find your place, to fit in. But I assure you that the way to do so is not to allow those around you to bowl you over." Elsie's mind drifted momentarily to William. Alice reminded her of the boy in her sweetness, her willingness to take on more than she needed to if it meant that someone else could have a lighter load.

Alice's pretty face shot up and blue eyes flashed as they met Elsie's, "That's not what...I mean to say, Mrs. Hughes, that I have never been one to allow myself to be pushed around and that is certainly not what I'm doing now. I'm not a girl and I don't behave as one seeking popularity from her schoolmates."

Elsie nodded slowly, brow slightly furrowed. "Alright, Miss Davies." She softened slightly, "Why, then, do you continually allow yourself to be taken advantage of? You can't honestly believe every excuse that you're given."

Alice offered a smile laced with just a tinge of sarcasm, "No, of course not." She held up a hand, counting down on her fingers as she spoke, "Jimmy is as strong as an ox. Alfred was only tired because he stayed up all night writing and re-writing a silly letter to an even sillier kitchenmaid, and Mr. Bates...well, Mr. Bates really did need a night with his wife. It made me happy to give it to them."

Elsie smiled and waited for the girl to continue.

"Mrs. Hughes, I know that I can seem like a bit of a pleaser. But it truly doesn't come from a place of insecurity." Elsie nodded, validating the girl's words. Alice did carry a great air of confidence about her that Elsie respected. "Downton is a nice place, Mrs. Hughes, and I've found myself quite at home here."

She paused for a moment and Elsie didn't miss the flash of darkness that passed across Alice's face, "I wasn't sure when I left Lady Elisabeth that I would be able to find that anywhere else. A house as proud as Downton should be presented with dignity and grace-both downstairs and up. If I can help to make that happen, even in small ways, it makes _me_ feel good."

Elsie laughed before she could stop herself at the mini-Charles Carson that was standing in front of her. She was female, of course, and much, much prettier...but something about her way was so very...Charles.

He had taken a shine to the redhead almost immediately, Elsie had noticed. She knew him well enough to recognize that he appreciated her dedication, her presentation. She shared so many of the qualities that he strove to embody. For those reasons and many, many others Elsie was finding that it was quite difficult for _anyone_ to dislike Alice. She was full of spark and laughter, sweet but funny, proper but easy to be with.

Elsie put a hand on the girl's shoulder. "I truly do understand that, Miss Davies, and I'm very happy that you feel that you are settling in so comfortably. You must try to understand, however, that everyone pulls their own weight at Downton. Any shift in dynamic will only cause problems. For you, Miss Davies, and for myself. Do we have an understanding?"

Alice nodded and smiled, a pretty blush coloring her cheeks. "Yes, Mrs. Hughes."

"Good. Now that we have that settled I'd like to take you up to the attic. I doubt that you'll ever have cause to venture all the way up there, but you should know the house all the same."

"That would be lovely." Alice followed closely behind Elsie as she walked the length of the hallway and began to climb the steps, filling the silence with conversation. "When I was a girl my mother worked at a big house in London and I would get to visit her on Fridays. I made the mistake of wandering into the attic once and getting trapped. The door stuck, apparently, but I obviously didn't know that at six. There should have been a sign or something...silliness." She shook her head, "Anyway, my mother was in a panic for hours before one of the footman found me crying in a corner. I'm afraid I've avoided attics ever since."

Elsie smiled and nodded, "Well I can promise you that there are no sticking doors at Downton. Except, I suppose, for the cellar door, but Mr. Carson is the only one that ever goes down there."

Alice nodded and shrugged slightly. "I suppose with his knowledge of wine he's the only one qualified to make selections."

Elsie scoffed. "_He_ would certainly agree with you."

Alice laughed fully, "He takes his job very seriously, doesn't he?"

"He does. Mr. Carson has been with Downton since he was quite young. It's his home and he expects it to be run a certain way."

Alice watched Elsie carefully as she talked about the butler. Her eyes danced a bit, she stood a little straighter under the weight of pride. It had been a while since Alice had seen that kind of adoration and it made her mind wander to her previous home.

"I understand that. Lady Elisabeth could never comprehend why I took my job so seriously. She couldn't have possibly cared less about her dresses looking perfect or her hair being in place, which it never was. If it were up to her she would have gone to dinner in muddy boots and her father's work shirt."

Elsie's heart warmed a bit at the tone with which Alice talked about her former employer. "She sounds like a lovely girl."

"Oh, she is." A long pause and then, "I'm sure she'll be very happy in her marriage."

They had reached the attic door before Elsie could ask anything further, though she wouldn't have pressed even if there had been time. In the back of her mind there was a faint hope that Alice would one day share the whole story. Until then, Elsie would do her job.

* * *

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It was after 9 before Elsie settled into her dimly lit parlor for a cup of tea. The day had gone smoothly, nothing out of the ordinary, but her feet still carried a dull ache and her back was far past ready for a rest. She was so lost in the quiet of the room that she missed the small knock at her door until it opened.

"Mind if I join you?"

His voice was low, barely a rumble, and she smiled before opening her eyes. "Never."

She handed him the cup that she had come to think of as his and set about pouring his tea.

"Long day?" He arched an eyebrow at her in question.

"I am choosing to assume that you're asking me that because I was lounging and not because my appearance betrays me." Her tone was stern but her eyes had a sparkle to them that calmed him a bit.

"You're safe in your assumption," Elsie almost missed the last of his sentence, so low was his voice as he spoke, "as you look quite beautiful."

She knew she was blushing furiously and thanked the heavens for the dark of candlelight; it hid her blush and always made him a bit braver with her than he was any other time. "What about you, then? I trust your day was pleasant?"

He settled back onto the opposite side of the couch, giving him plenty of light and room to look at her. "Pleasant enough. A rather average day, I suppose. I missed you at tea this afternoon."

Afternoon tea had become their own private ritual. It wasn't anything special, but it was a moment during they day when they could see each other, catch their breaths, and relax a bit without having to be **Mr. Carson** and **Mrs. Hughes**, in charge of a house full of people. They could simply be Charles and Elsie, only in charge of each other, though neither of them would admit that fact out loud.

She swallowed a sip of tea and nodded, "I'm sorry. I spent the morning with Miss Davies in the attic and the west wing and spent the afternoon catching up on everything that I should have done in the morning."

He nodded slightly as he stood to find her biscuit tin, the one she kept in the bottom drawer of her desk. He knew that she was allergic to raspberry, and didn't like it besides, but she kept a tin full of his favorite raspberry delights in her parlor for nights like tonight. It made him proud somehow to think that he occupied this small part of her personal space.

"She seems to be settling in very well, Miss Davies. Smart girl. Responsible."

"Mmm, she really is. I was a bit worried, as you know, that replacing Miss O'Brien would be difficult. She'd occupied such a part of Downton," she smiled at his raised eyebrows, "I didn't say a _good_ part, thank you. But I was concerned about both her absence and the addition of someone new. But I'm quite sure that I made a good decision, even if I do say so myself."

Charles sighed at her laughter, caught off guard as always by her appearance underneath flickering candlelight. "Well then allow me to say it for you: you made an excellent selection and I'm sorry that I ever doubted you." He bowed his head at the last.

"Perhaps that will finally teach you your lesson, Charles Carson. If you would simply trust my judgment from the beginning I do believe that I could save you a lot of time and trouble."

He let out a genuine and robust laugh, "Now I know that you're joking. I think sometimes that your favorite pastime is getting me _into_ trouble!"

She reached out to brush a biscuit crumb away from his knee, lingering just a moment longer than necessary. "Can I help it if you look so handsome when you're blushing and bumbling?"

He shivered at the small touch, "We all have our crosses to bear, Elsie. Mine just happens to be my Adonis-like physique."

She rolled her eyes and stood, taking his nearly empty cup in the process. "Yes, I know it's hard on you, you poor thing." She set his cup on the tray and walked around her desk to glance at the papers she had left there earlier in the day. She could feel his eyes on her every step of the way and walked a little slower under his gaze.

"I was thinking of taking Miss Davies and a couple of the girls into Ripon tomorrow after luncheon. We need to pick up some things for the kitchen and I know that they're getting a bit antsy to get out of the house after you cancelled their half-days." She threw him a pointed stare and watched him straighten.

"Now don't say it like that. I didn't have a choice! I had no idea that we were to have guests that night and you know it." Elsie bit her lip to hide her smile at his pouting.

"Well, be that as it may I'd like to take them out. I could use a few things as well. If you get me a list I can get you anything that you need in town."

He nodded and enjoyed watching her lean over her desk to mark something down on a loose sheet of paper.

"I don't think I need anything." _Not anything that I can have anyway._

She shook her head and answered without thinking, "You need aftershave." She was blushing and cursing herself as soon as the words left her mouth.

He didn't miss her blush or the fact that she was suddenly very concentrated on the paper in front of her. "I do? I mean, yes, actually, I do. How did you know that?"

She shifted uncomfortably. "You must have mentioned it."

He stood and walked to the desk, small smile playing on his lips. "I don't think so. I didn't even think to mention it when you asked me for a list."

She sighed and stood straight, ready to tell him off for needling her and being cheeky, but she stopped as she realized how close he stood and how warm his eyes were. Her voice was a whisper. "Last night."

"Pardon?"

"When we were having tea last night. You didn't...you didn't smell quite like yourself. And then at breakfast when you still didn't I realized that you must be out." She looked to the ceiling and then back at the floor, anywhere but at the man in front of her.

He didn't move any closer but took a small breath when she didn't move away. "You know what I smell like?"

Her blush was the prettiest thing he had seen in weeks. "I'm very perceptive, Charles. You should know that by now."

He nodded and leaned in just enough to run his fingers over hers. A voice in the back of his mind told him that he should stop, that he was overstepping-_again_-but he was so intoxicated by her proximity that he couldn't be bothered to listen.

She turned her hand into his and intertwined their fingers, running her thumb absentmindedly across his as she tried to steady her breathing. They had been here so many times. So close to something and somehow so very far away. She knew what was coming, of course. A soft touch, a whispered name, a kiss full of passion and promise...and a morning full of propriety and second-guesses. She heard her mind screaming at her to take a step back, but like every time before, she chose to listen to her heart instead. She leaned closer, running her free hand along his chest, waiting for him to lean down, brush soft lips against hers.

He read her mind and her body like he always did, feeling sparks all over his body as he touched her face, felt her perfect lips against his. He untangled his fingers and ran his hand along her neck, resting in her hair. He wanted her, god, that was true. She was the strongest woman he'd ever known and the most desirable woman he'd ever seen.

She sighed into his kiss, pulling him closer and opening her mouth to his, tasting that intoxicating mixture of tea and desire and Charles. Her head was swimming and her knees were weak as Charles, always in perfect tune to her body, wrapped an arm around her waist and lifted her to sit on the edge of the desk. Her arms circled his neck and she sighed his name as his mouth moved from hers to her jawline, her neck, her collarbone, hitting every spot that he had discovered over the years, never venturing lower...never quite promising satisfaction.

He didn't want to startle her, didn't want to push her or presume. So he gave into his desire to taste skin, to draw small sighs and shivers from her body, but he stopped before he wasn't _able_ to stop, swallowed the passion that was building and waited for her to tell him what to do.

But she never did.

They broke apart like they had so many times before, both unsure of what to say, both hating themselves a bit for getting swept up in each other, both empty and mourning the loss of contact.

"Elsie..." His voice was rough and apologetic.

"We have a busy day tomorrow, Charles."

He pulled back, straightened his back and his jacket and nodded. "Yes of course."

She forced a smile and touched his arm. "I'll see you in the morning."

A strong hand enveloped hers and he whispered a near-silent goodnight.

She turned from her parlor and headed upstairs, hiding the frustration (and tears, though she felt quite silly admitting that) that threatened to erupt. There were some things, it seemed, she would never be able to change, no matter how she might try.

Charles turned down her lamp and carried a single candle down the hall, checking doors, making sure that everyone had gone up to bed. He took a deep breath and tried desperately to forget the taste of her. He sighed and headed toward the stairs as he realized that there were some things that a man simply couldn't forget, no matter how he might try.


	4. A Slip-Up

**A/N: I'm sorry that it's been so long for this chapter. A lot has been going on and I just haven't had a chance to get it done! **

**Disclaimer: They all belong to JF.**

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Charles had always loved the bustle of Downton mornings. Dishes clanging, bells ringing alerting him to the needs of his upstairs family...and the sight of Elsie first thing in the morning. Fresh from a night of sleep, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Charles had always thought Elsie was at her most beautiful before breakfast, which is why he couldn't stop his concerned glances from landing on her as she ate her toast.

She looked like he felt: run down, frustrated, and a bit miserable. He knew that she hadn't slept a wink last night after they had parted ways. Truthfully, neither had he. He tossed and turned until around 3:30 when he finally gave it up and got up to dress. There was no point in wallowing in unresolved angst any longer, might as well start the day. His brow furrowed as he took in the circles under her eyes, the lack of color in her cheeks.

He couldn't stop the guilt welling inside of him at the thought that he was the cause of her discomfort.

Elsie bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from looking at Charles again. She could feel his eyes on her and knew that he must be thinking what he was: they both looked like absolute hell. Her mind had wandered all night back to the feel of his hands around her waist, the taste of his lips, the scent of his hair...she shook her head to scatter the thoughts. She didn't know why they kept playing this game with one another but she was sure of one thing: three years of it, she was coming to find out, was her limit.

It had started innocently enough. Two dear friends comforting one another over the loss of a very dear boy that they both admired and missed. She knew that they still thought of William every day and likely always would. But after the slow burn of those first touches they had been so nervous, so very nervous about what it would mean for their relationship that it was another six months before they found themselves in the same situation. Another two after that. And since then they had found themselves hopelessly interlocked every few months, never because of any great tradgedy or joy, but because they had had a particularly long day, or Elsie looked particularly beautiful, or Charles particularly handsome. They both felt it: they were building toward something. They just hoped it wasn't a huge catastrophe.

She sighed and stood, smoothing her dress as she did so. "Excuse me, I had better get an early start on this day if I'm to get everything finished."

Charles didn't have time to protest before she was gone, keys chiming gently as she walked around the corner. He sighed before he could stop himself. Thankfully, the rest of the staff was busy laughing and talking with one another and they didn't notice the tension at the head of the table. He forced himself to sit until the first bell rang, Lady Edith, always Lady Edith first, and then quickly hurried to his office to wait for His Lordship to ready himself for breakfast.

.

Sitting behind his desk he tried to get a jump start on wine selections for the next few days but after reading the same line at least five times he gave up and leaned back in his chair.

"Being productive as I am, I see."

He startled at her voice in the doorway but smiled slightly when he saw her face. "I can't seem to focus."

She nodded before walking into the room and closing the door. "I know the feeling." She bit her lip and glanced to the closed door, reassuring herself that no one was around, "Charles..."

He waited for her to continue but stood and walked to her when she didn't. "I'm sorry about last night, Elsie. I shouldn't have..."

"You shouldn't have what?" Her voice was tinged with that Scottish temper that he knew so well.

He looked at her for a moment and then to the floor, "I shouldn't have started something that I knew that we wouldn't finish."

She nodded sharply and straighted her back. "No. Well, isn't that always the story with us?"

He fought the urge to become defensive and after a moment quietly spoke, "It doesn't have to be."

Her eyes lit up with a mixture of confusion and hope that she desperately tried to hide. She was readying herself to respond when there was a knock on the door and Mr. Bates poked his head through. "His Lordship is up, Mr. Carson."

Carson nodded and thanked him before turning back to Elsie. "We'll finish this conversation later?"

Her shoulders sagged a bit, a movement that he didn't miss, and she nodded. "There's always later, Mr. Carson." She didn't wait for him to respond.

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She slammed her pen down on the desk and rubbed her eyes. Damn that man. She hadn't been able to concentrate on a blasted thing all day since speaking with him after breakfast. What had he meant by that? _Something I knew we wouldn't finish?_ It wasn't as if she had ever stopped him! Well, not really. He was always the one to break away first, always the first one to show doubt in his eyes. She certainly wasn't going to force him to do something that he didn't want to do, now was she? She was a proud woman. A woman with an almost overabundance of self-confidence and worth. If he didn't want her then she didn't want him.

She sighed and resisted throwing her head down on the desk. Because he did, of course, want her. She wasn't stupid. She could feel it in the way he kissed her, see it in the way he looked at her. But she wasn't wrong. There _was_ doubt in his eyes. And she wasn't going to be the one to cause the stalwart Charles Carson to doubt himself. No, sir.

She stood and looked at the clock on the mantle. Half past ten. It was going to be a long day.

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After clearing up the last of Her Ladyship's things Alice had wandered around the house for a bit. She hadn't had a great deal of free time since coming to Downton but she tried to take advantage of the free time that she did have to regroup, get her head together. She was settling in fairly well. She had made a few friends, she was learning quickly which people to avoid. She tried to work hard and minimize her mistakes, but she was finding that as the new of the house wore off and became habit she had less and less to occupy her mind and her thoughts kept floating back to Lady Elisabeth. She had worked for the Felshams since she was 14 years old. Elisabeth had been her closest friend...a part of her family. And now she couldn't help feeling like everything that they had shared, years of hard work, of memories, was nothing but a lie. She had been a foolish, foolish girl to think that she meant something to Elisabeth above and beyond service.

"Miss Davies? Are you lost?"

She jumped at the booming voice. "No, Mr. Carson. No, I'm sorry. I was just killing some time."

He towered over the girl, tall though she was. "If you've time to be killed I'm sure that Mrs. Hughes can find a more productive way for you to do so." He raised an eyebrow for emphasis.

"Yes, Mr. Carson." She looked down and brushed past him heading for the back staircase.

"Uh, Miss Davies." He waited for her to turn around, "I do have something that I could use your assistance with this afternoon, though, if you find yourself in need of another way to pass your time."

His voice was firm but his eyes were light, if a bit hesistant. "Oh, um, yes Mr. Carson. Though I don't know what you'd need that I can help you with."

"I'd rather discuss it this afternoon, if you don't mind. I've already spoken with Anna so you can just accompany her."

Alice slowly nodded, confusion all over her face. "If you say so, Mr. Carson, I'll be there."

Charles watched her walk away wondering what in the universe had posessed him to involve another person in his plan. It was bad enough that Anna was involved, but that couldn't be helped. He didn't even _know_ Miss Davies. She could be incapable of keeping a secret, or of avoiding gossip, or any number of other things. But she had looked so...so _down_ when he'd found her in the hallway and the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. This was going to be an interesting week, that was undeniable.

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Alice flopped down, none too gracefully, next to Anna at the table. "I just had the strangest conversation with Mr. Carson."

"And that's unusual for Mr. Carson?" Thomas, walking in from the staircase, lit a cigarette and sat down across from them.

Alice rolled her eyes and Anna tried to stop a smile.

"_Anyway_, what I was saying," Alice continued and laughed as Thomas threw his hands in the air as a surrender, "is that he asked me to help him with something this afternoon. He wouldn't tell me what it was but he said to ask you. He was being very strange about the whole thing if you ask me."

Anna's head shot up and she laid down the dress that she was mending. "I don't know what you mean. You must have misunderstood him."

Alice looked at Anna for a moment before finally catching on. Lord, how could she have been so careless? "Maybe. You're right. I was a bit distracted I suppose."

Thomas rolled his eyes and stood. "Cat's out of the bag now, love. No sense fighting to catch it."

He walked out the back door and Anna looked at Alice with a touch of desperation. "You can't have honestly thought that Mr. Carson would want Thomas knowing his business, Alice! Honestly!"

Alice covered her face and groaned. "I know. I'm sorry! I wasn't thinking!" She looked at the door and then back to Anna. "If Mr. Carson wants this to stay private, I'm sure Thomas won't say anything. Don't worry."

Anna, a bit exasperated, gathered the dress and her needles in her arms and walked toward the stairs. "Alice, we've _all_ tried telling you, you _must_ stop trusting people so blindly! It's not wise and it's certainly not kind when the information that you're being careless with is not your own."

Alice nodded, a bit defensively. "I know that. I've just never lived in a house that wasn't...trustworthy. I don't know that I care much for it."

Anna softened a bit. "You've got friends here, Alice, but you've also got people that aren't as upstanding as we are. You need to learn the difference and quicker than not." She paused before turning to the stairs, "I'll find you this afternoon and we can find Mr. Carson."

Alice sat at the table for a moment more before standing. Yes, she thought to herself. She missed home.


	5. A Deception

**A/N: Another short chapter, I'm sorry! I'm getting ready to be out of town for a week so life is a bit crazy right now trying to get ready. I figured it was better to post some short chapters quickly than to wait to post a longer one. I hope you're still enjoying everyone! **

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It had been a stress filled afternoon and Alice couldn't contain a sigh. Everyone around her was being completely normal, even Anna offered her the occasional smile, but she couldn't help feeling a bit anxious about the morning's events. First of all, from what she had come to know of him it was very unlike Mr. Carson to be so secretive. Secondly, she was still feeling a bit of sting from Anna's scolding...she _was_ a grown woman after all. Still, as she rounded the corner she couldn't help feeling the slightest twinge of excitement. She did love surprises.

"There you are, I've been looking for you for the past quarter hour!" Anna lowered her voice and leaned in, "We'd better find Mr. Carson and get a move on."

Alice nodded and took Anna's hand as they made their way down the hallway as quietly as possible. With a small knock on Mr. Carson's pantry they stopped.

"Ah, Anna. Come in." The normally booming voice was hushed and Alice couldn't help smiling as he hurried them into the room.

"You've made your excuses for the afternoon, then?" If Alice wasn't mistaken he was a bit flushed.

"We have, Mr. Carson," Anna didn't try to hide her smile, "You needn't worry about a thing! We've got it all under control."

Alice shifted on her feet and spoke more quickly than she intended, "I don't mean to be a spoilsport, of course, but I haven't made any excuses at all. I don't even know what we're doing here! I'll have to be getting ready to dress Her Ladyship in less than three hours."

Anna quickly put a hand on Carson's shoulder at his annoyed expression, casting a stern glance Alice's way before speaking. "I've made Miss Davies' excuses, Mr. Carson. We have plenty of time before dinner to take care of everything."

Alice waited for Carson to calm a bit before she spoke. "Well I'm glad of that, I suppose, but perhaps now would be a good time to squeeze in a bit of explanation?"

She raised an eyebrow at the mismatched pair and took in their expressions. Mr. Carson, normally so dignified and handsome did look a bit ragged, if she was being completely honest, but she was stopped from worrying too much by Anna's calm grin.

"Alright. I'll explain what you need to know on the way. Mr. Carson isn't coming with us."

"Coming with us _where_?"

She startled a bit at the butler's exasperated sigh, "Miss Davies _do_ try to understand that we are alloted only a small amount of time and it won't do to waste it answering your questions." He sighed and managed a short smile. "I appreciate your help, Miss Davies, but Anna can explain everything on the way."

Alice nodded. "Yes, Mr. Carson."

He walked to his desk drawer and handed Anna a small package and a slip of paper. "That should do. It's what we discussed this morning. I trust your judgment."

Anna smiled, "Well you ought to. I have impeccable taste."

He smiled gratefully at the woman before walking to the door. "Remember, if anyone asks it's simply an errand for the house, which is why I'm sending the two of you. Whereas I undoubtedly would be, you shouldn't be questioned in such a place."

Anna nodded and walked into the hallway, Alice close behind. "We'll be back as soon as we can. Try to relax a bit."

Carson blushed furiously at Anna's laugh and tried to shake off his tension as he watched the girls walk through the back door. Before he could return to the haven of his office he heard a low voice over his shoulder.

"They're off, then?"

"They are, Mr. Bates. They are."

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.

Elsie knew that she shouldn't have let her go again, not when there truly was work to be done today, but Anna had seemed so eager to get the cottage dining room finished before the weekend that she hadn't seen any harm in letting her tend to the house for just another afternoon. The problem came when she had asked if Miss Davies could accompany her for the day to help out. It wasn't that she minded the women spending time together, or even that it meant Miss Davies taking some time off, but with the only two ladies maids out of the house it fell to Elsie to handle any unforseen needs. Which is exactly why she was now walking downstairs, shattered necklace in hand.

"What's all that then?" Thomas brushed by her on his way into the dining room, picking up a clothes brush from the buffet against the wall.

"Hmm? Oh. Nothing. Lady Mary's broken a necklace is all."

"Shouldn't Anna be tending to that?" he followed Elsie to her parlor, trying to look as casual as possible.

"Yes, she should. But she's occupied at the cottage so it falls to me."

She missed his brow furrow and the slight twinkle of mischief in his eye. "And Miss Davies?"

She sighed and looked up, "Is helping Anna at the cottage. Is there a particular reason you're so interested in my mending?"

"No..." the word was drawn out, begging to be pursued.

"No, _but_?"

"No, _but_ Anna isn't at the cottage, ma'am. Neither is the new one. They're in town. Passed them on my way in this afternoon."

Elsie set the necklace carefully on her desk and narrowed her eyes. "Why were you in town?"

He held up the brush he was holding. "Needed some things."

She worried her bottom lip in thought. "Well, there's likely a good explanation. They probably needed something for the cottage."

"Maybe. I guess I just assumed it had something to do with Mr. Carson."

He smiled as her eyes locked onto his. He had her full attention now. "Why would Mr. Carson have anything to do with anything?"

He shrugged. "Dunno. It's just that Mr. Carson asked Miss Davies to meet him this afternoon, didn't say why. I heard her telling Anna about it this morning."

Elsie spoke outloud to herself more than to Thomas, "Why would Mr. Carson need to speak with Miss Davies? She's under my jurisdiction and she's doing quite well besides."

Thomas shrugged and walked through the door back into the hallway. "You're probably right."

She didn't look to the door until he had left, lost in thought as she was. Well, this was silly. All she had to do was talk to the man himself. Taking a deep breath as she stood, she braced herself to do just that.

.

.

.

Somehow knowing that his plan had been set into motion allowed Charles to spend his afternoon rather productively. He was able to take care of several little tasks that he'd been putting off and was feeling a bit lighter on his feet. He knew that he was making the right decision, damn her if she didn't agree. He couldn't spend another night like he had last night, wondering if he was ever going to be able to hold her, ever be able to touch her, to tell her that...well, to tell her how he felt. He smiled nervously to himself as he neatly scrolled out her name across the paper in front of him. Where to start?

He was a little embarassed that he had involved the Bates' in his plan, unintentional though it had been. He had never been good at these things, though, and John and Anna seemed to be flourishing, obviously masters at a game that he had barely ever learned to play. Miss Davies, on the other hand...it was still beyond him why he had asked for her help. There was just something about her that reminded him so much of Elsie. The bounce in her step, the easiness of her laugh. As much as he hated to admit it she had bewitched him a bit. He felt protective of her, some confusing urge to make sure she was settled. He'd felt the same about a few of the younger girls throughout the years, though he worked hard at maintaining a tough exterior. He hoped that the sadness he had seen in her was simply a passing trouble.

He was still deep in thought when he realized that Elsie was standing in front of him clearing her throat. He quickly dropped his pen and pushed the beginnings of his letter into his desk, glancing to the door.

"Mrs. Hughes, I'm sorry. I didn't hear you come in." He couldn't read her expression.

"Obviously not." She leaned a bit over his desk, "What are you writing?"

He had never been a good liar and had learned years ago not to try unless absolutely necessary. "A letter. Nothing important."

Nothing important her foot! But she wouldn't press him. Not now, at least. "Mmm. I'm sorry to disturb you but I was wondering if everything was alright. With the staff, that is."

He stood and walked to the door, pushing it to and nodding once. "As far as I know. Why? Has something happened that I'm not aware of?"

She tilted her head as she looked at him. "No. I just trust that if you needed to speak with a member of my staff you would at the very least involve me in the conversation if you were unable to speak with me first."

He was genuinely confused. "Of course I would. I see no reason that I would need to speak to a member of your staff in the first place."

She opened her mouth and then closed it, searching for a way to continue. "Nor do I. So you haven't asked to see any of my girls then?"

He sighed and slouched a bit in frustration. "No, I have not. What's this about, Elsie?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." She sighed, deflating a bit. "It's obviously nothing. Only Mr. Barrow seemed certain that you had asked to speak with Miss Davies this afternoon about something. I assured him he must have been mistaken."

Charles straightened and prayed he was hiding his uncomfortable blush. "And why would Mr. Barrow concern himself with my activities?"

Elsie paused to look at him. Well, that certainly wasn't the response that she was expecting. "I don't know. I suppose because he's Mr. Barrow." She risked pushing him just that smallest bit more, "So you didn't want to see Miss Davies then?"

He cleared his throat. "Of course not. What could I possibly have to talk to Miss Davies about?"

He was lying to her! She could usually tell when _anyone_ was being dishonest with her but she could read Charles like a book. She took a step closer to him. "I don't know. She's a charming young woman, Charles, I'm sure you could find plenty to discuss."

He cocked his head in amazement. She couldn't possibly be serious! "As you are her superior, Mrs. Hughes, not I, I would have to take your word for that."

Elsie softened ever so slightly and nodded. "Well then. I suppose we've nothing more to discuss. I'll let you get back to your letter."

Before she quite reached the door she felt his hand on her arm. "I hope that we'll still be able to finish our conversation from this morning."

She spoke without turning around, though her voice was soft, "After dinner. We can talk tonight after dinner." And with that she was gone.


	6. A Mission

**A/N: Can I just take a minute to say thank you so, so very much for all of your reviews? I really do take them to heart and try to incorporate what you say because I consider it such valuable help.  
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**I hope that you're still liking the story. I should have the next chapter up late tomorrow night. :]]**

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Alice was walking as quickly as she could in an effort to keep up with Anna. Even though she had a good five inches on the blonde she was struggling. Anna must have noticed because she cast an amused glance Alice's way and slowed a bit.

"I'm sorry. We just don't have much time if we're going to get in and out before time to be back."

"Oh, it's fine. A bit of exercise never hurt anyone...I suppose. But come on now, you promised me an explanation."

Anna took a deep breath. "Alright. We're headed into Ripon to a specialty dress shop."

Alice nodded and waited. "...and?"

Anna looked straight ahead. "We're picking up fabric. For a dress."

Alice rolled her eyes and stepped in front of Anna to stop her. "Speaking to you is like pulling teeth! Can I please just have the story-start to finish-without any holes?"

Anna sighed and looked a bit lost for words. "I don't know where to start, really. I suppose it would be best to just tell you exactly what we're doing and then fill in any holes as to the why."

"Fine."

"We're going into Ripon to purchase a very specific fabric and pattern that Mr. Carson has asked for. I don't know if we'll be able to find exactly what he's looking for but I think between the two of us we can find something suitable."

Alice must have looked very confused because Anna continued without pause.

"The fabric is for a dress that Mr. Carson is having made."

"Why would Mr. Carson have need of a dress?"

Anna smiled slightly and leaned in conspiratorially despite the fact that the road was empty. "It's for Mrs. Hughes."

Alice absolutely beamed. "I _knew_ it! I'm never wrong when it comes to love! Well, when it comes to _other_ people and love. Oh, Anna, this is so romantic! When is he going to give it to her? What's the occasion?"

Anna pulled her to the side of the road, giggling, and shushed her. "Shh! I don't know much more than I've already told you. I don't even think I was supposed to know, to be honest."

"What do you mean? Why?"

"Well Mr. Carson would have never come to me with something this...personal."

Alice furrowed her brow and then slowly smiled in recognition as they resumed their walk. "Ah, but he _would_ come to your mister."

Anna nodded. "I wouldn't have thought even that much, but we had a knock on our door this morning before the sun was even up, or I was for that matter. John answered the door and Mr. Carson just...he looked so lost, Alice. Like someone had taken all the wind right out of his sails. It was pitiful." Anna ran her hands over the package she was carrying and slowed just a bit. "I'm not one to eavesdrop, you know. I value privacy. But he does have a rather loud voice and the cottage _is_ quite small."

Alice smiled. "It isn't your fault it you could overhear what was being said. You were just trying to get on with your morning."

Anna bit back a smile. "Well, in any event I did piece together some of their conversation."

Alice rolled her eyes. "And?"

"All I really heard was that he was ready to make a stand and that he was shite at things like this and wanted to know if John could help him. It was actually quite sweet. Oh, it isn't as if we haven't all known that he worships the ground that woman walks on. If he's finally ready to give it a go, well then I think we all have a responsibility to support him. And that's exactly what we're all going to do."

"We are? I mean, yes, of course we are."

"You and I are going to sew the dress. The pattern that Mr. Carson described isn't a difficult one, but it would normally take me the better part of a week to get it finished. Still, between the two of us, I think if I work late nights and my half-day we can have it finished in no time."

"I'm not an expert seamstress but I certainly think I can manage a simple dress."

"Well then. That's all we need to worry about for now. John and Mr. Carson can take care of the rest. They'll let us know when they need us."

They continued their walk in silence for a moment before Alice spoke again. "I could tell the day I came for my interview, you know."

"Could tell what?"

"That he loved her. That she loves him." Alice's smile faded for just a moment as she spoke. "You can't look at someone with that much warmth and not feel something strong and real."

Anna nodded. "They're quite the pair, those two. They've been that way for as long as I can remember. Nothing you'd notice, just little things. He always butters her toast in the morning, have you seen that?" Alice shook her head. "Neither had I until John pointed it out. And he never eats without her. Even if she's late to the table he refuses to take a bite without her in her seat."

Alice took a few steps to keep up. "I've seen him wandering into her parlor at night."

Anna smiled. "Tea. Every night, without fail. Though sometimes I suspect it's wine more than tea."

Alice shrugged. "It isn't hard to imagine, I suppose."

Anna looked toward Alice. "To imagine what?"

"The two of them. They've shared their lives for so long."

Anna brightened a bit when she remembered their destination, "Well, let's hope that they can share their lives more fully from this point on." She smiled and hastened her pace. "Now come on! We have shopping to do!"

.

.

.

As it turned out, sending two young women into a fabric shop with decisions to make and a purse full of money was not as wise as one may have initially thought. Though the necessary fabric was eventually decided upon, along with extra ribbon (and a few other "necessities" as Anna put it), the day had flown by more quickly than they had realized. They practically ran the entire way back to Downton, exhausted and a bit disheveled by the time they arrived. Anna barely had time to straighten herself out before the dressing gong rang and Lady Mary was calling for her.

"Here, Alice, take all of this to Mr. Carson until after dinner. I was hoping I'd have time to take it back to the cottage but I think we lost that time on the third spool of ribbon."

Alice laughed and took the two packages from Anna. "Hurry up, then. Her Ladyship hasn't called for me yet, I'll take care of this."

Anna nodded gratefully and scurried up the stairs, brushing John's shoulder as she passed him coming down. Alice couldn't help smiling at the two of them. She wondered if Anna had any idea how very, _very_ like Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes they really were in the small looks of affection that they offered each other.

Walking down the hallway Alice tapped on Mr. Carson's door a bit, hoping he was in so that she wouldn't be forced to find another hiding place.

His broad shoulders were in front of her before she could blink. She smiled a bit to herself...he _was_ such a handsome man. "Ah, Miss Davies, come in."

When he shut the door she set the packages down on his desk, unwrapping the paper so that he could see the fabric.

"I trust everything went well, then?" He was calmer than earlier in the day, but still a bit on edge.

"Perfectly, Mr. Carson. Now _come here_ and tell me what you think!"

He did as he was told without reluctance, leaning over Alice's shoulder to get a better look. She couldn't help noticing the aftershave he was wearing and she took a deep breath. It really was a shame that he was already taken and that Alice was so actively involved in the wooing-she could _definitely_ imagine a world in which she was focused on a little wooing of her own.

His tone of voice brought her back to reality. "It's perfect, Miss Davies." Damn. How could she ever compete with any woman that brought that kind of gentleness to his voice? She didn't even want to try.

"Oh, I'm so glad! Anna and I are just giddy to get started." She hesitated, trying to remember that she was talking to her superior, but reached out a hand to touch his arm anyway, "She's going to love it, Mr. Carson. And she's going to look beautiful."

She relaxed a bit when he smiled. "I think you're right, Miss Davies."

"Mr. Carson, I don't want to overstep," he raised an eyebrow in hesitant warning in her direction as she shrugged, "but overstepping seems to be something that I'm so very adept at."

She decided to keep speaking when she saw the corners of his mouth twitch into a nearly invisible smile. "You're obviously completely smitten." She paused to make sure that he wasn't going to stop her and felt emboldened when he didn't. "Both of you, Mr. Carson. I do find the whole thing so wonderfully romantic, but..."

She was hoping that he would take a bit of the pressure off and open up a bit on his own, but deep down she knew that Charles Carson wasn't the open book type.

"Nevermind, Mr. Carson. I'm out of line a bit." Alice smiled and walked toward the door before his voice stopped her.

"She's remarkable, Miss Davies. A force of nature. I've never felt that any one person could be enough for her."

He looked at the floor as Alice turned to face him. He could not for the life of him figure out what it was about this woman that made him open his mouth. Why was he telling her things that he had been unable to tell Elsie for years?

"She is, Mr. Carson. Even I can see that."

"I've wasted time, Miss Davies, time that I'll never be able to give back to her. I'm ashamed of that."

She took a deep breath and walked forward, deciding in that moment to have a conversation with a good man instead of a strict superior. She laid a hand on his upper arm. Strong, she couldn't help but notice. "Mr. Carson. We all have things in our past that we wish that we could change. Things that we would do differently if given the chance. I'm not giving you a front page headline."

He smiled softly. "No, Miss Davies. You aren't."

Her eyes sparkled and she bit her lip. "Besides. I've seen the way she looks at you when you aren't looking, Mr. Carson."

She blushed a bit at his shy smile and didn't wait for him to ask, "She looks at you like she _sees_ you. _Really_ sees you. You are a handsome, kind, capable man that any woman would be lucky to be with. Never doubt that."

She knew that she had overstepped, as did he, but there was a silent understanding that they would ignore the impropriety just this once since the sentiment was pure.

"You're a kind woman, Miss Davies. I appreciate your help." He paused just long enough to let her savor his genuine smile and gratitude, "Now, it's past time for you to be upstairs, get on with you then."

Alice nodded and turned to the door.

.

.

.

Elsie was flustered and rushed, not a pleasant combination on any day, but particularly one in which she was already furiously frustrated with Charles. She nearly ran into Alfred on her way down the stairs.

Nodding an apology she spoke quickly, "Excuse me Alfred, I'm sorry." He turned to finish his climb up the stairs before she called after him, "Ah, Alfred, have you seen Miss Davies? Her Ladyship is ready to dress and the girl's gone missing."

"She's with Mr. Carson, I believe, ma'am. At least that's where I saw her a while ago."

Elsie nodded stiffly as the redhead flew up the stairs. So he was with Miss Davies after all. After she had specifically asked him if he had planned on seeing her. After he had denied having any reason at all to speak with her. That man! His _nerve_! She did not appreciate being lied to and she wouldn't stand for it. She was going to get to the bottom of this business if it killed her (or, more likely, him), but it would have to wait until after the rush of dinner. She raced down the hall and stopped just short of the door: closed.

She couldn't think of any reason at all Charles would need to shut the door to speak with a staff member. Specifically a female staff member. Certainly not one that he had already assured her he had no reason to speak to. She raised a hand to open the door herself but stopped when she heard voices inside. She shouldn't eavesdrop, she knew. She valued privacy. But she couldn't kill her curiosity. Looking around the hall to make sure it was empty she leaned a bit closer to the door. It was a bit muffled but she could make out every few words.

_"You are a handsome, kind...that any woman...lucky to be with...doubt that."_

Elsie nearly bit her lip in two. She could hear Charles speaking but his voice was more obscured...he must be standing farther from the door. Elsie leaned in just the slightest bit further and strained to make out what he was saying but before she could straighten she found herself flying through the open door...directly into Miss Davies.


	7. A Misunderstanding

**A/N: Hello! This was originally a longer chapter that ended with a conversation between Anna and Elsie, but it was a long day on the road and then unpacking took longer than I anticipated, so I've left that for tomorrow. I hope you don't mind too much! Thank you so much again for all of your impossibly nice reviews. :]**

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No one said a word, though Charles did immediately rush to Elsie's side, taking her hand in his to help steady her. She jerked back immediately and took a step back, avoiding looking at him at all costs.

"Mrs. Hughes! Are you alright?" Alice looked from Elsie to Charles, hoping someone would laugh or make excuses. No one did. In fact, the air was getting thicker with every second that passed.

"I assure you that I'm perfectly fine, Miss Davies," It escaped neither Charles nor Alice that Elsie's Scottish brogue was carrying a considerable edge. "Her Ladyship, however, has been waiting for you for more than ten minutes now. I suggest that you consider making your job a priority the next time that you and Mr. Carson need to have a chat."

Alice was blushing a furious shade of red and nodded almost imperceptibly. "Mrs. Hughes, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that Her Ladyship had called for me or of course I...Mr. Carson was just..."

Elsie interrupted before Alice had a chance to attempt a lie. "I have no interest in what you were discussing with Mr. Carson, Miss Davies. Get on, now. Her Ladyship won't be waiting all night for you to be ready to do your job."

Alice nodded and practically ran out the door without even sparing a glance for Mr. Carson, who was staring at Elsie with utter confusion.

When he was sure that Alice was out of earshot he moved toward Elsie, only to see her turning toward the door. He rushed forward and touched her arm, a gesture he had made hundreds of times in their years together, but she pulled away like he had burned her.

"Are you quite alright?" His voice was low but insistent.

"I am fine, thank you. I simply don't have time to waste with a man who can't be bothered to give me the simple respect of telling me the truth. Not when there's work to be done."

He cringed at the desperation in his voice, but it couldn't be helped. "What are you talking about?"

"It seems that you and Miss Davies had _far_ more to talk about than you cared to share this morning when I took the time out of my day to specifically_ ask_ you if you had business with her." She lowered her voice and increased it's venom as she took a step toward him. "Honestly, Charles, I thought you were better than that."

She tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her chest as hurt registered in his eyes. "Elsie, I admit that I wasn't completely forthcoming with you earlier when you asked about Miss Davies, but if you would let me explain I think that I..."

"There's nothing to explain, Mr. Carson. I understand perfectly well. That's what's so very disappointing." She turned with a bit less sass than she intended, but it was all that she could manage under the weight that she was feeling.

He had to practically run to keep up with her, but managed to corner her just before she got to the kitchen where gossiping ears would be able to hear.

"Now that's enough. I don't know what you _think_ that you know, Mrs. Hughes, but I assure you that you are mistaken. If you would simply give me the chance to explain my reasons you would see that. Furthermore I feel I must remind you that as butler of this house I retain the right to speak with any staff member I wish at any time that I deem it necessary."

He wanted to take back his defensive posturing as soon as the words left his mouth, but when he saw the fire light in those blue eyes he wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.

"Yes. Well. I suppose you've knocked me down a peg or two, Mr. Carson. Please, continue to do whatever you feel you must to maintain your reputation as the almighty Butler of Downton Abbey. Don't let a silly little thing like me get in your way."

This time he didn't make a move to stop her and his voice was barely above a whisper, "Elsie, please, that's not..." He watched her ascend the stairs, "...what I meant." Taking a deep breath and a moment to collect his thoughts he walked toward the stairs. Whatever his own inner turmoil he had to admit that Elsie was right: he was the butler of Downton Abbey, and that meant that the show, as always, must go on.

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.

.

Elsie made her way up two flights of stairs before her breath started to waver. It wasn't until she had made it all the way to the women's hall that she noticed her hands shaking as she turned the key. But by the time she was sitting down on her bed to collect herself she was aware of the sting of tears behind her eyes. She had always cried when she was angry, for as long as she could remember. Her father had scolded her about it from her earliest memories. _Crying doesn't solve a thing, lass. If you're angry you figure out a way to fix it. Don't wallow._

But if she were truly being honest with herself she knew that these weren't only tears of anger, though anger was certainly present. It was the other feeling bubbling inside of her that had her so shaken. It had been many, many years since she had cried tears of hurt. Tears of loss, yes, there had been those. Tears of empathy. Those as well. But rarely had anyone been close enough to hurt Elisabeth Hughes. She made sure of that.

Elsie had made a decision many, many years ago to take a path in her life that excluded relationships, closeness. It had been a choice that she had made with no small amount of consideration, but at the end of the day she made it happily. She had been successful and she had been independent, fiercely so. She knew when she left for service that the life that she had chosen could have been lonely. **But it hadn't been**. It had been full of warmth and light and laughter. And tears were falling because the reason for that warmth and light and laughter was, for the most part, Charles Carson.

He had been her friend and he had been so much more. Her partner. Her confidant. And then there were the infrequent times when they allowed themselves to completely tear down walls and touch and taste and love. And, oh, how she loved.

She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes with a handkerchief that, she noticed with a roll of her eyes, belonged to Charles. She had been mending it for him and had yet to give it back. She sat for a moment longer to collect her thoughts before standing and walking toward the door. She wasn't sure what she was feeling and she wasn't sure what _he_ was doing, but she didn't have the luxury of finding out until after dinner. She did, after all, have a job to do.

.

.

.

Anna floated down the stairs, straightening her dress, thankful to finally be done dressing the girls. She loved them both dearly, she truly did, but sometimes they were too high maintenance even for Anna's even temper. As she stepped off of the bottom stair she jumped at the crash that came from the dining hall, rushing into the room to find Alice on her knees picking up a tea tray.

"Is everything alright?"

Alice smiled at the blonde that had knelt to help her. "I'm just a bit clumsy tonight, I'm sorry."

"Just tonight?" Anna winked at her and helped her to her feet.

"I suppose that's fair." Alice shrugged and tried to shake her bad mood. It wasn't working.

Anna didn't seem to notice, thankfully, and her voice hushed with excitement, "So how did he like it then? Was he pleased? We can get started as soon as I clear some things away."

Alice managed a half smile. "He liked it, he did."

"Was something wrong with it?" Anna paused at the tone that Alice was doing a terrible job of hiding.

"No, no. He liked it very much. I think it's exactly what he was looking for, actually."

Anna smiled a bit, echoing Alice's whining from Ripon, "Oh, Miss Davies, talking to you is like pulling teeth! Can I just have the story, start to finish, without any holes?"

Finally a laugh escaped and Alice shrugged as she sat down at the table. "Fine, fine. I was with Mr. Carson dropping off the fabric when Mrs. Hughes rushed in. I suppose Her Ladyship had called for me...I didn't know. But Mrs. Hughes was seeing red. I've never made her angry before. I didn't like it."

Anna sat beside her and rubbed her back. "We've all gotten our licks from Mrs. Hughes, Alice, and she scares each and every one of us every time she's upset with us. It's nothing to fret over. Besides, by the time we're finished with our little project she'll be in a good mood for weeks, won't she?"

Alice smiled her first genuine smile of the evening. "Well she had better be. I plan on making quite the dress."

"_We. We_ plan on making quite the dress! And if you'll help me gather my things I think we have a few hours before the girls will want to change for bed. We can get started."

They stood and gathered the combs and pins that Anna had brought down from Lady Mary's room, but Anna paused and smiled at the man descending the stairs. Alice didn't even have to follow her glance to know who her smile was for as she spoke.

"Well, hello there."

"Ladies."

"Hello, Mr. Bates. Dinner is underway, then?" Alice knew that Anna was right about letting it go, but she was still hoping to sneak out before Mrs. Hughes came back down when the family entered the dining room.

"For about ten minutes."

"We're going to head back for a bit to get started on our little surprise." Anna's attention was fully on her husband since he'd walked into the room.

"Ah, I see. Though something tells me our little plan isn't off to the start we'd hoped for."

Alice's attention had been caught. "Why would you say that?"

John paused before he spoke, always careful to say exactly what he meant. "I don't know exactly. As I was leaving His Lordship's room before dinner I passed the two of them in the hallway. They were obviously in the middle of something so I tried to pass by as quickly as I could but..."

Anna placed a hand over his, "But what?"

He shook his head a bit and looked at his wife. "I could have sworn that Mrs. Hughes had been crying."

Alice's heart sank a bit. "Why would she have been crying?!"

John looked at her in confusion, "I don't know. I don't even know that she was. But she was upset about something, that's certain. And he wasn't doing much better. He was in the middle of letting Jimmy have it when I passed the dining room a moment ago."

"Well that isn't exactly a rare occurance, is it?"

John smiled a bit at Anna's point and shrugged. "Well, either way, you two be off. I'll come for you in a bit."

Anna squeezed his hand and nodded, gesturing for Alice to follow behind.

.

.

.

Alice racked her brain as they walked trying to find any reason that Mrs. Hughes would have been upset. Coming up with nothing on her own she finally spoke. "I don't know what could possibly be wrong with her."

"Well I'd dare say that we don't know every in and out of their relationship, Miss Davies."

Alice rolled her eyes. "I wasn't suggesting that we did. But Mrs. Hughes is not an emotional woman, Anna. If something brought her to tears it was something serious."

Anna softened and stopped in the dark of the path to look at Alice. "Mrs. Hughes can take care of herself, Alice. Meddling won't help anything."

Alice nodded. "No, I suppose you're right. Still...I can't shake the feeling that something just isn't right."

"Well, if you're right then I'm sure that between the two of them they can work everything out. it doesn't concern us."

Alice worried her bottom lip as she walked. "No. No, I don't suppose it does.

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**Don't worry, we'll get to see Charles and Elsie's conversation in the hallway next chapter! :]]**


	8. A Decision

**A/N: I know that I've said it before and I don't want to sound like a broken record, but your reviews really mean a lot to me and I appreciate them more than you know. :]] As promised, here's the conversation that we missed in the hallway [though it's a bit out of timeline]. I hope you're still liking it!**

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Elsie had been in her room wallowing in her feelings for long enough. She took a deep breath, opened the door, and put on her fiercest face. There. Let anyone try to cross her now. Even the hallboys knew better than to step out of line when she was wearing that face.

She made it down from the attic on her way to the kitchen before she saw him standing near the end of His Lordship's corridor. She could feel herself blushing and frantically looked around for anywhere else to go. Unfortunately, she knew that he knew her well enough to see right through any turn she made and besides, she wasn't the one that needed to hide. _He_ was the arrogant, lying something or other. _He_ should be the one looking for somewhere to go.

But he wasn't. He was sheepishly, but determinately, walking directly for her. She bit her lip and tried not to look at him. She was still furious at his lies, and hurt by what she had heard that...that _woman_ say, but she couldn't turn away from him when he looked that pitiful...that apologetic.

"Elsie." Even his voice was sweet and hesitant.

She squared her shoulders and mumbled a yes.

His face crinkled with concern when he got close enough to really see her. "You've been crying."

The tender care in his voice nearly broke her in two. Thankfully, she had righteous anger to fall back on and she chose to let that take over. "I don't think that anything I do particularly concerns you, Mr. Carson."

His shoulders sagged and he reached out a hand to pull her to the side of the corridor. She didn't pull away. "Elsie, you've got to let me talk to you. I don't understand anything that's gone on this afternoon and I only want to make it right."

She took a deep breath before answering. "I don't know what there is to understand. You've been keeping things from me, lying to my face, and..._oh, never mind_." She stopped herself before she could get to the real root of the problem. There was no need to completely bare her soul. If he didn't want her...if he didn't feel the same, would rather be with someone else...well, there was no need to spell out what she could already read with perfect clarity.

"And what?"

She pulled her arm away when she realized that he was still holding onto it. "And nothing. If you'll excuse me, I have work to attend to."

He risked making her angrier than she already was by placing his hand back on her arm. "Work will hold." He took a deep breath and leaned down to her, "Elsie, I'm sorry for what I said to you about the staff. But surely you know that I was just...that I was just _talking_. I do consider your opinion, you must know that. About everything, Elsie, not just the staff. What you think matters a great deal to me and I would never make a decision of any importance at all without speaking to you first."

Elsie refused to look away from the floor. She had never in her life met another person that she could want to strangle and kiss with equal intensity at the same time. She could already feel her resolve crumbling-mostly because she knew that he was right. He did come to her with his problems, big and small, professional and personal, and she had always done the same. The very few times that she had ever kept something from him it was simply an attempt to spare him pain. She knew that he would do the same for her.

Maybe she really had gotten it wrong.

"Charles, I do know that." She swallowed hard to fight the tears that she felt rising. "But asking for my opinion, choosing to make me a part of your life, none of that matters if you aren't going to be honest with me. Lies will cripple a foundation, Charles, you know that." _If they even had a foundation to crumble..._

He sighed in frustration. "I would never lie to you! You would know it immediately if I did, for one thing, and for another I would never have _cause_ to lie to you!"

Her voice surprised her with it's softness when she finally responded. "Alright, Charles."

He brought a hand to her chin and forced her to meet his gaze. "Alright?"

"_Alright_. I believe you. Which is why I'm giving you a chance to explain what you and Miss Davies were discussing this afternoon."

Anyone else would have missed the sudden tension in his stance, the slight worry in his eyes. Not Elsie. Her heart clenched in anticipation of his next words, ones that she hoped he was choosing very carefully.

He attempted nonchalance. "Miss Davies was simply completing an errand for me. Nothing more."

Her heart felt like it had been crushed. She might not know the exact reason for their meeting but she wasn't crazy, she had heard what she had heard with her own ears. A simple errand didn't end in such a personal declaration from a beautiful young woman. All she wanted was to hear it from Charles himself.

"An errand." Her voice was flat.

Charles tried to steady his anxiety. He should just tell her everything. He knew that he should. But there was no time to explain everything that he had been trying to do for her. No time to explain feelings that had been bottled up for two decades. No time to make her understand that everything he did, every second of every day, was for her.

There was just no time. Not now, at least. So he would stall. Try to remain on her good side until he could lay this whole messy business to a rest. It served him right for trying to be romantic, to surprise her. He should have known better...some men simply weren't cut out for romance.

He cleared his throat. "Just a silly errand. Some fabric I needed in town."

She looked him square in the eye for what seemed like a lifetime. She might be crazy, but, heavens above, it didn't seem like he was lying. "Why would you need fabric?"

He fumbled desperately for an answer. Blessedly, before he could find one Mr. Bates made his way around the corner, nodding slightly as he walked by. Elsie pulled away from their shared touch before Charles even had a chance to move.

She waited to speak until she was sure that Mr. Bates was out of earshot. "I'd like an answer, Charles. Why did you need fabric? And why did you have Miss Davies running your errands when you know full well that I'll be in town tomorrow?"

God, this woman. He should have known better. Oh, how many times today he should have known better. "It wasn't simply the errand or I'd have had Thomas pick it up when he was in town. I needed Miss Davies' opinion."

She raised an eyebrow. "I didn't realize that Miss Davies' opinion was so highly valued."

"I value the opinion of every member of this household."

She tried to hide the twitching at the corners of her mouth. "Oh, Charles Carson you do not."

He puffed up a bit but she didn't miss the hint of a smile, "Well. Be that as it may, in this instance I did require a female opinion."

He shut his eyes in frustration the moment the words left his mouth. God, sometimes he swore it was as if he had never spoken to a woman before. He could instantly see her hurt feelings all over her face, eyes still slightly red from tears.

"I see. Well. Miss Davies is certainly that. How lucky for you that when the opinion of a female is needed you have such a beautiful young woman to assist you." She began to take a step toward the stairs.

He sighed deeply and took a quick look around them before taking her hand, "Elsie, listen to me. I'm due downstairs, I don't have time to explain everything to you. If you would stop being so bloody stubborn I would have a chance to say that I would gladly explain everything tonight. After dinner."

She stopped and nodded without turning to him.

Elsie chewed her lip a bit as she considered his offer before nodding and pulling away from his grip to descend the stairs. "Alright."

Charles followed behind at a distance and braced himself. For once in his life getting through a formal dinner was as far from a priority as anything could be.

.

.

.

It had been a nice night. They'd gotten the basic frame of the pattern cut in time to come back to change the ladies for the night and had even had time to chat with everyone for a bit before bed. Alice's mood had improved considerably due to the excitement of getting the dress started and she had even given Anna a sweet hug before saying she was heading up to bed. All in all, it seemed the gloom of the afternoon had dissipated.

Anna stifled a yawn as she gathered her coat and hat, stopping for a moment to appreciate the man waiting by the door. Handsome, strong, warm. Hers. She had a genuinely hard time bringing herself back to reality sometimes when she lost herself in the fact that after all of the heartbreak, all of the setbacks, the separations, all of her dreams had come true. John was home, he was happy, and they were together. She couldn't help but spare a thought for those in her life that were apart from their own loves.

She was stirred from her thoughts as she realized that she didn't have her scarf. _Alright, think, Anna. You came in with John, you walked to hang up your coat and then Mrs. Patmore called you into...ah._ She shrugged into her coat and held up a finger to let John know that she'd only be a moment longer as she headed to the kitchen to retrieve the scarf that Lady Edith had given her last Christmas. She stopped in the doorway and tried to quiet her steps at the sight before her.

Mrs. Hughes was a strict woman, there was no doubt about that. She could scold you into next week and have you apologizing for a month, but that wasn't all that she was. She had been a true friend to Anna, always there with a word of solidarity to cheer her or a hug when she couldn't help but cry. She had never wavered in her support and Anna, though private about her feelings, couldn't deny that she cared for her very much, which is why she knew that she would be much longer than a moment getting home.

She silently shuffled back out of the doorway, hanging her coat on the rack as she passed by. At John's confused look she put a finger to her mouth and rushed over to him.

"I think I'm going to be a minute, love. There's someone I need to speak to. You go on ahead."

John took a few steps forward and craned his neck around the wall just enough to see into the kitchen. "Ah. You go on, then. I'll wait for you outside. I could use a bit of fresh air, anyway."

She reached up for a kiss before walking into the kitchen.

"Oh, Mrs. Hughes. I didn't realize that anyone was still in here, I'm sorry."

Elsie looked up from the cup of tea in her hand and offered Anna a distracted smile. "It's no problem at all, Anna. Please, have a seat. That is, if you've the time."

Anna nodded and sat across from her, smiling gratefully at the tea that she poured and pushed her way. "There's always time for a cuppa, Mrs. Hughes."

"That there is, my dear."

Anna was quiet for a moment, unsure of how to broach such a personal subject. She finally decided that Elsie Hughes was the kind of woman that would speak when she was ready and no amount of prodding would cause her to speak a second before.

Finally, Elsie spoke. "Mr. Bates must be waiting for you, though? I'd imagine that the two of you would want to spend all the time you can enjoying your new home."

Anna blushed slightly. "He's outside. He asked me to give him a few minutes to get some fresh air. I suppose he feels he needs to let the day go before we take it home."

"Wise man, your Mr. Bates." Elsie took another sip of tea.

"I think I'll keep him." Anna smiled and shrugged.

Elsie's voice was more serious than she had intended, "You should, Anna. Never take for granted the importance of having someone to go home to."

Anna couldn't hide the sympathy that crossed her face. "No ma'am. Good men to love you are few and far between. That's why I fought so hard for the one that I found."

Elsie nodded and Anna took a sip of tea, deciding that the only way to repay the friendship that Mrs. Hughes had shown her was to be a friend in return.

"We're very lucky women, Mrs. Hughes."

Elsie furrowed her brow as encouragement for Anna to continue.

"To have both found men that will ease some of the stress from the end of our days."

Elsie shifted slightly in her seat and spoke in a near whisper. "I would normally agree."

"Normally?"

Elsie shook her head and tried to brighten a bit. "Nothing. It's nothing at all. Just a silly woman rambling on when she should be finding better things to do."

Anna smiled softly and followed her to the sink. "You aren't silly."

Elsie took a deep breath and was slow to let it out. "Anna...have you ever known for true and certain that you were being kept in the dark about something? By someone that you thought..." She searched for the right words, "by someone that you thought was...oh, I don't know."

Anna was slow to respond, careful to craft her answer without making either of them uncomfortable. "I think we've all felt that way at one time or another. I think, though, that those are the times that we find out what our nuts and bolts are, really. When John was in prison, Mrs. Hughes, weeks went by without my being able to speak to him. And when the letters, they just stopped coming, it would have been so easy to doubt our feelings. To doubt _each other_. But when you really love someone you have to trust it. No matter how things may seem you have to trust that what you've built can withstand."

Elsie took a deep breath and smiled at the woman beside her, so grateful that she had walked into her life all those years ago. Giving a brief nod and drying her hands she smiled.

"Well. You'd better go find that husband of yours before he freezes to death."

"Yes ma'am. Goodnight, Mrs. Hughes."

Elsie's tone was sincere and carried so much with it, "Goodnight, Anna."

She tidied up the kitchen for another moment while she waited for Anna to leave. Hearing the latch hitch she smoothed her dress and steadied herself as she walked down the hallway. With hands that she tried to steady she knocked lightly on Charles' door.


	9. A Conversation

**A/N: Thank you again, as always! The next chapter should bump things up a notch, but we had to get some important things out of the way first. :] There's still so much to be resolved and Elsie still has no clue about the rest of her surprise!**

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Charles looked up at the light knock on the door, not expecting anyone this late. Well, anyone but Elsie, _if she decided to see him_, and she never knocked. He stood to open the door when he saw the eyes he knew so well peeking through. "Elsie. Come in."

"I didn't know if you'd still...I only mean that it's late and I didn't know if you might want to put off our discussion for another day." She hadn't looked at him since she walked into the room.

He paused as he closed the door. "Did you? Want to put off our conversation?"

Elsie sighed and finally met his gaze. "No, Charles. No, I don't."

He felt the tension in his shoulders dissipate just a bit and he walked over to the chairs he had pulled out in the hopes that she would come to him. He motioned for her to sit and was a bit flustered when she shook her head.

"I'm fine, thank you. I would rather just get this out of the way, Charles."

He nodded. "Elsie, I'd like to explain everything. I just don't know exactly where to start."

"Charles, wait. I'd like to say something before you explain anything."

He leaned against his desk, fighting memories of Elsie on the same desk, hands knotted in his hair. "...alright."

"I'm sorry that I was so upset with you this afternoon. I suppose I let my own insecurities and feelings get in the way of proper judgment. A friend helped me to realize that. I do only want you to be happy, Charles, whatever that means."

He felt that he wasn't doing an especially good job of hiding his confusion. "You know that I feel the same."

She tried to manage a smile but he saw right through it, he always did. "Well then. Miss Davies."

He sighed and stood, pacing as he spoke, feeling ridiculous for being so nervous. He had spoken to this woman every day of his life about things great and small for over twenty years, and here he was having trouble even beginning. "Elsie, Miss Davies went into town along with Anna to choose a pattern and fabric that I asked them to find for me. I couldn't spare the time away from the house and I didn't think it appropriate or comfortable to spend the afternoon in a dress shop myself."

"Anna?" Elsie was feeling more foolish by the minute.

His brow furrowed, "Yes, Anna. Actually, it was Anna's opinion that I wanted, I only asked Miss Davies to go along as an afterthought."

Elsie bit her lip and took in everything that he was saying. "But why did you need fabric in the first place? And why did you require, how did you put it, "a female opinion?"

He slowed his pacing and walked toward her. His eyes were warm but his face was serious as he spoke quietly. "Elsie, the fabric was for a dress. _For you_."

Her head shot up and she was startled at how close he was standing. "What?"

He sighed and took a step back. "I was trying to surprise you. I didn't...I haven't done a very good job of it, I suppose."

Elsie struggled to process what he was saying but all she could seem to think was how very, very foolish she had been to ever doubt this dear man. "Why would you want to surprise me?"

Charles looked directly at her and her breath caught at the love she saw there. "Because you deserve something wonderful."

She smiled and didn't pull away when he took her hand, fingers ghosting over hers in tiny circles.

"Charles, I don't unders..."

Before she could finish her thought, _was there a thought to finish?_, his lips crashed to hers, desperately hoping that this touch could convey all that he was unable to say with words.

When he pulled away he pressed his forehead to hers and tried to catch his breath. "The dress, it's only a part of what I'd wanted to do for you...I needed some way to tell you...to show you how much...how I was..."

She brought a hand to his cheek and pressed a soft kiss to the side of his mouth. "Shh. I don't want to know."

He pulled back in surprise. "You don't want to know?" His heart fell a bit. Maybe she didn't want any of it. Maybe he had misread everything between them and she truly did only want what they already had...no, that would never be enough for him.

She smiled as she made her mind up, hoping that her next words would serve as a kind of apology for the stress she had caused him today, "No, Charles. I don't want to know. Knowing a surprise tends to kill the joy of receiving it and you've gone to so much trouble already. Surprise me."

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer and kissing her nose. "Then I shall do my very best." He pulled her head to his chest and kissed the hair he loved so.

She floated for a minute in the warmth of his embrace before reality came slowly back down to her. She waited just a moment longer before she slowly pulled away.

At his lack of understanding she turned away. "Charles, as nice as," she motioned between them a bit shakily, "_this_ is, it isn't just the fact that you wanted to speak with Miss Davies that was bothering me."

He nodded slowly, "Oh?"

"When I came looking for her I heard part of your conversation." She blushed and ran a hand over his desk in distraction.

"You heard part of our conversation."

He smiled as he saw her eyes roll and her temper flare, "Oh, alright, Charles, I was _listening_ to part of your conversation, that's hardly the point."

He chuckled a bit and walked toward her, "But Elsie if you heard our conversation then you already knew about the dress."

She whirled around to meet him. "What? No, I didn't. I only heard the more _personal_ nature of your conversation. That's why I was upset Charles." Her voice lowered to lower than a whisper and lost it's venom, "That's why I _am_ upset."

Charles clenched and unclenched his fists. He had had quite enough of beating around the bush today. He was not a man that enjoyed being lost in a conversation and was tired of feeling confused.

"There was no personal part of the conversation. She came to give me the fabric and then she left after receiving a rather uncalled for dressing down by a very angry housekeeper."

Elsie rolled her eyes. "Charles please don't start lying again. Not after we've been trying to clear everything up."

Charles raised his voice a bit in frustration, frustration bordering on anger if he was being honest. "Elsie I would appreciate it if you could refrain from making accusations when they have no basis in fact!"

"I heard her with my own ears, Charles!"

"Heard her _what_?!"

Elsie fidgeted with her dress, reluctant to repeat what had hurt her so. Thankfully, she didn't have to as realization finally dawned on Charles. He rushed to her side and pulled her chin up.

"Ooh, Elsie, no. You must have...you must have misunderstood. Oh, love. You've misunderstood everything."

Elsie shook her head, searching for something to say but coming up short.

He ran his hands down her arms, taking her hands in his and bringing them to his lips. "Silly woman. We were discussing _you_."

"What?"

"What I'm sure you heard, when Miss Davies was telling me...she was talking about _you_, Elsie. She brought me the fabric and was, understandably I suppose, a bit curious about our relationship. That's what you heard."

Elsie shook her head again, trying to back away a bit. "Charles, I don't...oh, Charles."

How could she have gotten everything so very wrong?

"Oh, and the way I snapped at that poor girl. And you! Oh, Charles. I feel like such a fool."

He smiled and led her to a chair. "You're not a fool. At least not completely."

She looked at him sharply as he sat beside her. "I suppose I deserved that."

"Elsie I just simply cannot understand how you could have possibly thought that I saw something in Miss Davies."

She concentrated on her hands. "Well it isn't a completely crazy notion, Charles. She's very pretty. Sweet. She's good at what she does. And you seem to have taken to her very nicely."

He smiled a bit. "I have taken to her. She's a perfectly fine woman. She reminds me of you."

Elsie nodded. "That's what I was afraid of."

He shifted in his seat. "I don't understand."

"Charles, without sounding too terribly conceited I have to say that I do see a bit of myself in Miss Davies. But it's been a long time since I've been that girl, a long time indeed."

"Is that what this is about? You feeling that you're past your prime?"

Elsie smiled a bit and looked at him sideways. "Well, I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, Charles, but we're both a bit past our primes."

He took her hand and scooted closer to her. "I'll have you speak for yourself, woman."

She struggled with whether or not to continue, finally deciding that she might as well be honest while they were here. She took a deep breath and tried to find a bit of fire. "Charles, I don't think it's difficult to understand how I came to the conclusions that I did. You and I, we've been teetering on the edge of something for years now, but nothing ever comes of it. After a while I began to think that nothing ever would. That you didn't want it to."

He swallowed roughly. He couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. How could she possibly think that he didn't want her? That he didn't love her with everything that he was? Had he really done such a poor job of showing her how he felt? His heart ached at the thought that he had caused her even a moment of doubt, a second of feeling unwanted. There was no time like the present to rectify the situation.

"Elsie, I'm so sorry."

She squeezed his hand. "Don't be silly, Charles. It isn't your fault."

He moved to the very edge of his seat, pulling her hands as close to him as he possibly could. "No, Elsie, it is. If you've gone a single day feeling unwanted than I will spend the rest of my life apologizing. I've gotten everything so wrong. I thought that you didn't want...that you didn't want anything more."

Her heart jumped in her chest, "Why would you think that?"

He sighed, "The times that we've been close, I can always feel you pulling away. I would never push you, Elsie, I would never want you to feel uncomfortable or pressured, especially from me."

After a moment he was startled by her quiet laugh that grew with intensity until he was joining her, not knowing why they were laughing at all. "Oh, Charles...my god, we're such fools."

She stood and pulled him with her, wrapping her arms around his waist as she did. "I only pulled away because I thought that you didn't...you always seemed to stop, to rethink everything."

He smiled looking down at her before his face darkened a bit. "Oh, Elsie. I have always, always wanted you. I can't even look at my desk without...well, without thinking of you."

She blushed and stood on her toes, intending only a kiss of apology and forgiveness. She hadn't anticipated the rush of fire that ran down her spine or the way that his hands found their way immediately to her waist and then lower. He walked her backward toward the desk and deepened their kiss as he lifted her.

She whispered his name and knotted hands in his hair as his mouth moved down her neck, tasting and nipping at her collar bone, relishing every sigh that he drew from her perfect mouth.

The knot in her stomach was the only reminder that it was at this point that he slowly pulled away, that she made an excuse to go upstairs, that they both went to bed frustrated and upset.

She wasn't going to let that happen tonight.


	10. A Dream

**A/N: I'm sorry for the delay! I've been having wifi issues that seem to have cleared up now! I decided to leave the talking and nervous second-guessing for the next chapter. We'll just be happy while we can. :]**

**Warning: This chapter is all M-ness. If that isn't really your thing you can skip it without any real consequence related to the story! **

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Elsie's mind was overwhelmed with taste and touch and scent and Charles' hands gripping at her hips was doing nothing to clear her mind. She was reasonably certain she never wanted her mind cleared again.

She held tight to his biceps, strong and solid from decades of holding trays and cartons of wine, and trailed kisses down his neck, sighing as he tasted every spot that he had learned over the past two years. Her heart was racing with nerves as much as desire, but she was blissfully happy with her decision.

For his part, Charles seemed to have made his mind up as well. Hands that were too well-practiced at pulling away slowly made their way to the buttons at the back of her dress, hesitating, seeking permission. Her eyes smiled and she pulled away, ever so slightly, but enough to make him doubt himself and drop his hands.

Maybe he had gone too far.

"Elsie...I'm sorry, I only thought that..."

He had given her enough space to stand and she ran her hands over his chest as she did, causing his senses to cloud as he fought to regain control.

"Charles."

"Mmm?"

"Lock the door." She smiled at his expression, equal parts shock and relief, and waited for him to return.

He was embarrassed to admit that his hands were shaking a bit as he turned the lock, nervous that what he had been wanting for so long, had been imagining for so long, would disappoint. Not her, of course. He stole a look at Elsie in the dim light of the room and sighed. No, Elsie could _never_ disappoint any man. But he sent up a desperate prayer that he would be enough.

Reading his body, Elsie took a step forward and took his hand, pulling him gently behind his desk, pushing him slowly down into his chair. She leaned down to him, letting him enjoy the ample view, and pressed a soft kiss to his jaw. Slowly she moved lower, shivering a bit as a low moan escaped his lips as she reached his pulse point. Nipping lightly she gasped and let out a low laugh as he pulled her down onto his lap.

"Is there something that I can do for you then?" She smiled and looked up at him.

"Mmm, the list is rather long, madam." He smiled back, happier than he had been for as far back as he could remember, and pulled her in for a kiss. Long, slow...he did his best to discover every part of her mouth, every inch of her that he could reach.

She ran fingers through his curls, losing herself in the feeling as she considered the fact that he was _finally_ holding her. She pulled him closer and felt her lips bruising at the contact, relishing it instead of minding.

She was the first to pull away. "Charles, I want to be out of these clothes."

He let out a deep sigh and lifted her to stand, whirling her around so quickly that she would have fallen had he not caught her. Her breathing was heavy as he tried his best to make quick work of her buttons, deciding that he would have to save slow and gentle for another night. Tonight he just wanted to be with her as soon and as intensely as possible.

He would get no argument from Elsie. She felt as if she was actually going crazy waiting to have her skin next to his. She had always hated the dozens of buttons and that damned corset, but never more than tonight. She leaned into him, running hands behind her and along his thighs.

"_Elsie_...if you want me to get this dress off of you, you had better stop that."

He heard the smile in her voice, low though it was. "Stop what?" She ran her hands a few inches higher, dangerously close to the only thing she wanted. Satisfied at his intake of breath she waited for him to finish.

"You're going to be the death of me, woman."

"Not if you don't hurry up. Honestly, Charles, they're just buttons."

As her last word fell he pushed her dress from her shoulders, a bit more roughly than he had intended, but she didn't seem to mind.

She turned again in his arms, craving the taste of him like a drug and biting lightly at his bottom lip. Her hands began pulling the buttons of his vest apart, busting one in the process. Strong hands brushed by hers as they worked together to shed clothes as quickly as possible. Finally he stood before her, chest bared and, god love him, she couldn't remember her own name. He was strong and broad and beautiful. She must have stared a moment too long because she caught the glimpse of insecurity that flitted across his face.

She let tentative fingers brush through the scattering of curls on his chest and leaned forward to press one kiss after another after her fingers, humming a bit as she did. She could feel his heart beating through his chest-though racing would be a more apt description-and moaned as his hands ran over her hair and rested on her neck.

"Elsie..."

She was pouring everything she had into reassuring him that he was more than she could have ever wanted and she forgot for a moment that she was still completely covered by layers of corset and shift. It was a near shock, then, to feel her corset pulled free and dropped to the surface of the desk, every hook expertly set free.

She tore her mouth away from his chest, "Charles Carson! That was very impressive."

A low laugh filled his throat, "I am a man, Elsie Hughes, that doesn't let things stand in the way of what I want."

"And apparently I'm a woman who is very deeply distracted by beautiful men."

Before she could even smile he had lifted her to the desk, gently guiding her head to the side and biting gently at her neck, salving the redness with light kisses.

She raised her arms as he pulled her shift over her head, falling to the ground. For the first time Elsie felt self-concious. Incredibly so, if she were being honest. She had wanted him for so long, needed this for so long, and thus far he had proven to exceed even her wildest fantasies...she just wanted to give him the same feeling.

Any uncertainty that she might have been feeling, however, was smashed to bits with the next two words that left his mouth.

"Oh, Elsie..." He couldn't remember how to move, how to speak. He was running completely on desire and it could be heard in every word that left his mouth. "Come here."

She leaned into his kiss and moaned as his hands ran the length of her back and around her waist, pushing her back ever so slightly onto the desk. He ran his hands along her arms, watching goosebumps appear everywhere he touched, and gently grasped her hands, moving them behind her on the desk. "Lean back." She shifted a bit uncomfortably, suddenly feeling very exposed. He kissed her cheek and nuzzled her neck, "Trust me."

She did as she was told and was instantly glad that she did. Once she had braced herself back onto the desk she shivered as his mouth explored her neck and slowly, ever so slowly, made his way down to her chest, bringing his hands up to cup one breast and then the other, tentatively swirling his toungue around her nipples, blowing softly after his kiss. He smiled against her skin as her back arched as she gasped.

Her knuckles were white as they gripped the back of his desk and she nervously wondered how much longer she would have the strength to hold herself up. She risked leaning on only one hand as she ran fingers through thick hair as he made his way down her stomach, moaning here and there when he tasted a particularly tender bit. He was reminded once again as he let his hands massage her thighs that he would have to be slow and gentle another night. He couldn't take much more of this and by the way that she was moaning his name she knew that she couldn't either.

Still, he couldn't resist the temptation of tasting her, of watching her lose control before he did. He'd spent too many nights imagining this moment exactly: Elsie's perfect form bare in front of him, completely opening herself to him in the most whole, personal way that she knew how, trusting him to care for her. He ran fingers under the hem of her knickers, unraveling the knot as quickly as he could and pulling them, along with her stockings, to the floor. She lifted her hips from the desk, smiling to herself when she realized that she had been sitting on his wine rota, which he quickly (though not altogether uncarefully) pushed to the floor. He looked up at her face at her sharp intake of breath to see her laughing.

"The desk is a bit cold, is all."

Her laughing stopped at the look in his eyes as he nipped at her hip, running his tongue along the skin above dark curls, carefully avoiding what he knew she wanted.

She couldn't take much more of this. Her hips bucked and she struggled to keep herself upright. Finally, after what seemed like hours she felt a bit of relief as he slipped one finger, then two into her, nearly coming undone himself at the sight of her. Back arched, perfectly pale skin begging to be kissed, hair tousled and falling around her face-she was a dream.

Her breathing was becoming almost too fast to keep up with, sweat beading along her forehead. She bit her lip in a desperate attempt to stop herself from screaming as she felt his mouth finally reach her most sensitive nerves, sucking and sliding his tongue over her in perfect rhythm with his fingers.

"More. _Please_, Charles...just..._more_." It was all she could manage.

His movements became harder as he tried in vain to rid himself of the rest of his clothing without moving away from Elsie. No, he would never move away from her again.

He almost cried out at the sharp pull of hair that caused him to rise to his feet.

"I need you, Charles. _You_."

He pushed his pants to the floor, mildly concious of the fact that he was still wearing his shoes. Elsie shifted slightly to manuveure herself into a more steady position. Wrapping her arms around his neck she couldn't stop the moan that escaped as he finally thrust into her a bit more roughly that he had intended, but he knew that now that he had started he wasn't going to be able to stop.

Her entire body felt like it was on fire. Precious, glorious, burning fire. She wrapped her legs around his hips as tightly as she could and dug her heels into his buttocks, nails digging into his shoulders. She could feel that perfect tension in her stomach growing with every thrust and she was struggling to hold onto him. Her limbs felt like jelly.

"Elsie, _god_." He knew that he was bruising her back, he had to be the way that he was holding her, but he couldn't squash the need to be closer to her, always closer. He felt her tightening around him and a warm pain at his neck as she bit down to muffle her scream. That was all it took for him to lose all control, all rhythm, burying himself as deeply as he could inside of her. Her tongue lapped lightly over his shoulder, praying that she hadn't hurt him or left a mark, though she knew that she had done both.

He fell, more than sat, back into his chair, pulling her with him, now little more than a puddle of very satisfied housekeeper. She curled into his lap and laid her head on his shoulder, still working to steady her breathing. It was a solid five minutes of basking in unabashed happiness before he felt her shiver, realizing she must be freezing. He moved his hands from cradling her to urge her to stand.

"Come here."

She followed him to the closet in the corner of the room, feeling far more exposed than she had 20 minutes ago, and somehow more comfortable. He pulled out two blankets and wrapped one around her shoulders, pulling her to his chest and kissing the top of her head. Without saying a word they sank to the floor, content to hold each other. Their thoughts were echoing each other, silent prayers of thanks and twinges of self-doubt, both filled to the brim with love, but it was she who spoke first.

"I love you, Charles Carson. Very much."

His arms tightened around her, pulling her closer, "Oh, my dear girl. I've always loved you."


	11. A Beginning

**A/N: This was initially a longer chapter that included a discussion with John and Charles, but it made this chapter too long so I bumped it! But that will be soon. :]**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them. Obviously.**

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Elsie stirred at an ache in her back, stiff from..._sleeping on the floor?_ She was confused for a moment before she looked around the dim room and remembered her night. Charles. All her thoughts were filled with Charles. She felt like she was dreaming. Looking back she thanked God, fate, and luck that she hadn't let anything get in her way. For once in their lives they had done exactly what they wanted to do. No doubt, no rules, no fear. They simply grabbed on with both hands, to hell with the consequences. But there _would_ be consequences, wouldn't there? She knew that. She knew that they would have to talk about what they'd done, what it meant, where they went from here. That would come later, though. For now she snuggled down into the strong arms that held her and tried to relax.

"You're awake." His voice was little more than a low growl in her ear.

She didn't move, "Mmm. So are you."

"I haven't been to sleep. I couldn't bring myself to look away from you." He ran a hand over her back as she looked up at him.

"I know the feeling."

He leaned down, pulling her in for a warm, sleepy kiss. "I can't remember a time in my life when I've been happier, Elsie Hughes."

She smiled. Something was different about him. Not much, nothing particularly noticable, but his eyes were bright and his voice was soft. He seemed completely content. Which is why she knew that she had to be the one to break the spell.

"Oh, my love." She ran fingers along his jaw line, placing a soft kiss to his cheek. "We can't stay down here forever."

He grasped her hand and sighed. She was right, of course, and something in him knew that it would be her that brought them back down to earth. He didn't want to leave this room. He didn't want to take something that was so pure, so unadulterated by the real world, and bring it into the light of day. It would mean questions and hard answers, fears and doubts. But if tonight had given him anything it was courage.

"You're right. We should get upstairs before anyone else stirs." He sat up, bringing her with him, and kissed her shoulder, then her neck.

"Charles..." her voice was a warning.

He sighed and stood. "Come, then. We'll just get our clothes..." he looked around the room at garments scattered everywhere, "we must have clothes somewhere..."

She bit her lip to hide her laugh at the state he was in. Flushed skin, wild hair, struggling to hold onto his blanket as he looked around the room for his clothes. Her eyes landed on the bright red mark on his shoulder and she jumped to her feet.

"Oh, Charles. Oh, I'm so sorry!" She ran tentative fingers along the mark.

"What? Oh," he looked down to her shoulder and cringed a bit at his next thought, "Turn around, love."

Her brow furrowed but she did as she was told. "You didn't make it through the night completely unscathed either."

She turned her head, struggling to see her own damage. "What?"

She sighed as he pressed soft kisses down her back, a bit ashamed of the bruises that lined the otherwise perfect skin. "I didn't mean to be so brutish."

She turned and pulled his face to hers. "I don't remember complaining, my man." Her blanket fell to the floor as she wrapped her arms around his neck and ran her tongue along his bottom lip.

"No," he mumbled against her mouth, "neither do I."

They stayed that way for another minute before he bent to hand her a set of rumpled knickers and shift. She sighed and pouted a bit like a child before she took them and began getting dressed, handing clothes to Charles whenever she came across them.

"Elsie," his voice had changed just a note, just enough to signal that he was being serious, "we should," he took a deep breath, "talk later. About everything."

She nodded a bit sadly. The bubble had officially burst and she couldn't hide the disappointment in her voice. "Yes. We should."

He walked to her, shirt still open, and took her face in his hands. "Listen to me. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but whatever it brings, we'll have each other. I won't let anything change that. _Anything_."

He marveled that twelve hours ago he would have never been able to speak so openly, to make such sweeping promises. But something about holding her soft, bare, completely vulnerable body through the night had changed him. Had made him brave. Where he might have once held back for fear of being rejected, he now poured his every ounce of honesty into making sure that _she_ felt secure.

She laid her head on his chest, holding him tightly as she nodded. She felt a bit like a litte girl seeking comfort from someone bigger, stronger, and safer. She knew that he couldn't promise her anything, but it made her feel a bit more secure just knowing that he was trying.

"Well, let's get on then. We have to be up in three hours."

She took his hand as they walked to the stairs, both fighting stomachs full of butterflies as they climbed to bed.

.

.

.

Breakfast came far earlier than Elsie had hoped. Pulling herself out of bed felt like death and her eyes were red-lined from exhaustion, but she couldn't bring herself to stop humming or smiling. In fact, she couldn't seem to stop her skin from tingling every time she thought of Charles. She was five minutes late to breakfast trying to get herself under control. Honestly! She was a grown woman, not a school girl.

As she walked around the corner and neared the dining hall she paused a moment to appreciate the view. Sitting tall at the head of the table, perfectly styled as always, Charles sat waiting, smiling occasionally at Mr. Bates and scolding the hall boys for horseplay. Gone was the flushed skin and mussed hair from the night before, and still, he looked like the most exceptionally beautiful sight that she'd ever seen.

She took a deep breath as she passed him on the way to her seat, bracing herself to attempt normality. "I apologize, all, I had a slow start this morning."

Charles blushed immediately, praying that no one else had noticed. "Good morning, Mrs. Hughes." He picked up a piece of toast and smothered it with butter, precisely the way she liked it, and handed it to her along with a cup of tea, finally taking a bite himself when he saw that she was settled.

She smiled around the table at the choruses of "Good Mornings" that she was offered, taking a moment longer than necessary to smile at Alice. Damn. She would have to speak with her if only to clear her own conscience.

Charles leaned in after a moment, sure that everyone else was lost in their own conversations. "I trust you slept well?"

She took a sip of tea to hide her laugh, nodding slightly, "The two and a half hours of sleep that I did get were quite pleasant, thank you."

He put on his most stern tone as he looked down at her. "Mrs. Hughes, _really_. You should try to get more rest. I can't imagine what could have been so distracting that you'd stay up all night just to tend to it."

She coughed, choking a bit on her tea. "Mmm, no. I don't suppose you can. You, I'm sure, Mr. Carson, got your full night as always."

Alice swallowed a bite of toast and looked back and forth between the couple at the head of the table. They certainly seemed to have made up. A smile broke out across her face and she nodded to no one in particular. Things seemed to be pleasantly back on track. It looked like she, Anna, and Mr. Bates were back in business after all.

She turned as the first of the bells rang-Edith, always Edith-and the group began to scatter, preparing for the day.

Waiting for Elsie to pass him, Charles leaned as close to her as he could manage with others around. "Come to my office after breakfast, love." He hoped it didn't sound like a question.

"Anything you say, Mr. Carson." She winked at him as she walked by, setting flames through every bit of his body. Yes, things were going to be fine.

.

.

.

Elsie was extremely on edge waiting for the morning to pass so that she could get to Charles. She wasn't particularly looking forward to the conversation that they would no doubt need to have, but she was very much looking forward to seeing him. Pacing her room for the hundreth time she rolled her eyes and walked to the door. He should be back by now, surely. How long could it possibly take for His Lordship to finish breakfast?

Sighing in defeat when she reached his still-empty room she turned to head back to her parlor to wait, a million tasks being pushed to the back of her mind, only to run directly into a flustered redhead.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Hughes! I was actually looking for...I was just coming down from dressing Her Ladyship." Alice bit her lip and internally cringed. She had no interest in bringing up Mr. Carson after yesterday, though she had to admit, they both seemed in high spirits today.

Elsie immediately warmed. "You were looking for Mr. Carson and he isn't down from breakfast yet. I would, however, like a moment to speak with you if you've time."

Alice nodded a bit hesitantly and followed Elsie to her parlor. When they were inside Elsie was the first to speak. "Miss Davies, though yesterday you _were _obviously neglecting your duties," she paused for effect and Alice nodded, "I may have been a bit harsh with you. I realize now that you were assisting Mr. Carson with a matter of some importance to him and as he is your superior I can't fault you for following his orders."

All thoughts of yesterday had been banished from her mind and Alice immediately latched on to the one thing of interest that Elsie had said. "You realize _what_ exactly, Mrs. Hughes?"

Elsie smiled and walked to the door, closing it. "I realize, Miss Davies, that Mr. Carson is working on something that he would rather I not know about." Her voice was stern but her eyes were smiling. "Why don't we just leave it at that?"

"Yes, ma'am. I think that would be a very wise decision." She began to walk to the door before turning, always unable to stop herself from pushing things just one bit farther.

"I take it that the two of you are back in good spirits, then? You seemed quite happy at breakfast."

Elsie would have been angrier if the woman's voice weren't so innocent. "Mr. Carson and I have no reason to be in poor spirits, have we now, Miss Davies?"

Alice nodded at the thinly veiled sentiment and smiled at the understanding that passed between them. "No, Mrs. Hughes. I can't imagine that you do."


	12. A Discussion

**A/N: I'm sorry, I'm awful, I take forever to update, I'm the worst, etc.! A million apologies. Sometimes life gets in the way! xoxo**

* * *

It was another ten minutes before Charles tapped lightly on Elsie's door, shaking his head as he walked in. "I apologize, His Lordship was in a chatty mood."

She smiled and laid her unused pen on her desk. "Isn't he always?"

He mumbled before sitting down in the chair next to her door, raising an eyebrow at her to encourage her to do the same.

She joined him, taking in every feature and noting the stiffness of his back, the way he fidgeted his hands. She tried to think of something to say to the man that she had spent the past 20 years confiding in. She was coming up short. After nearly a minute of incredibly awkward silence she let out an exasperated sigh. "Charles, this is ridiculous."

He let go of the breath he had been holding and grimaced a bit. "It is, I know. I just don't know where to begin."

She reached a hand out across her side table and took his hand. "I think we've already begun."

He nodded. "That we have."

"I don't know why we should have such a difficult time talking about one another, Charles. We talk about everyone else."

He held his free hand up in mock surrender. "I am _not_ a gossip, Elsie Hughes! I shouldn't be faulted for lending a willing ear when you have things you'd like to share."

"Ha! That's rich."

He smiled and squeezed her hand, thankful that the Artic-level ice had been broken. "It isn't really that I'm having difficulty talking _about_ you, exactly, or myself. I'm only still finding it a bit new to talk about _us_."

She nodded and shrugged her shoulders. "But haven't we always been an us? I mean, when it comes down to brass tacks?"

He sat and thought for a moment. He couldn't deny that they were a team, the two of them. "You know, I remember the first time that I realized how much I valued you, even if I didn't recognize it as the beginnings of something more."

She was a bit surprised. "Oh, you do not."

"I do!" She rolled her eyes but her heart fluttered a bit as he continued, "You had been here for a few months, maybe five, and it was time to leave for the season." He cringed at the memory, "Our first night after settling in the head housemaid," he paused for a moment and marveled at the strain of age, "You know, I can't even remember her name? Mary? Molly?" He sighed. "Well, she came down with some terrible fit and had to be sent to bed twenty minutes before dinner. It made for an impossibly tense evening of playing make-do and mend."

She drew lazy circles on the back of his hand. "What does that have to do with me?"

He laughed under his breath, "Nothing. Not really. Except for the fact that I found myself wandering the halls three separate times over the course of the night, walking to what would have been your parlor only to remember that you were back home at Downton. I don't even know what I wanted. Advice, perhaps. Company. A kind word."

She looked at the floor, lost in thought, her voice barely a whisper. "It was Christmas."

"What?"

"For me. It was Christmas. I'd only been here a month, perhaps less, and I was still feeling mightily out of place."

"You'd have never known it." There was the faintest touch of pride in his voice.

"Well, I was, and the holidays always make it worse, you know that." He nodded. "I've never told you..." her voice trailed off a bit before she smiled. "I was feeling terrible. Lonely." She shrugged to shake off residual feelings. Was that really over twenty years ago? "The night before Christmas Eve I had finished up with all I needed to do and was heading up to bed fighting back tears." She felt Charles squeeze her hand but avoided looking at his face. "Before I could even make it to the door, though, you knocked."

She finally looked up to see mixed expressions on his face. Pain because she had felt pain, but a small smile urging her to keep going.

She sighed and smiled, the memory still bright in her mind. "You knocked on my door and barged in without waiting for an answer, something that my mind thought very rude," she shot him a stern look, "and my heart thought very endearing. You were angry." She rolled her eyes as if to say _Imagine that. _"One of the footmen had been caught out drinking. You were ranting, red in the face...you were quite the sight to behold, believe me."

He laughed. "I'm sure."

"Well, as you were going on about _appearances this_ and _propriety that_ you had poured yourself a glass of my only bottle of wine, loosened your collar, and sat yourself down on my settee."

She laughed loudly as she watched the blush climb his cheeks two decades after the fact.

"I'm afraid I'm not sure why my utter lack of manners has remained so firmly in your memory."

"Because, Charles, it was your "utter lack of manners" that helped me to realize that if you felt comfortable enough with me to let that hard and proper façade drop there was no need for me to struggle so fiercely to keep my walls up. I didn't feel so alone after that." She suddenly realized how emotional the memory really was, both the memory of that Christmas and the memory of the night before.

He took a deep breath and looked at the woman in front of him. Getting to see the Elsie Hughes that no one else did, the Elsie without walls or inhibitions, that had been the great joy of his life.

"Elsie..." She shivered at the way he said her name. "I've been waiting my entire life to feel the way that I felt last night with you."

He looked for a way to say more, a way to tell her everything that he had always wanted to tell her, but he couldn't find the words. He watched her eyes fill with tears and knelt in front of her to wipe them away. "Oh, I do love you, Elsie Hughes."

Her hands cupped his face and she placed a soft kiss to his mouth. "Then I'm a very lucky woman, Charles Carson."

He sat, content, for a moment more before rising and pacing the floor. "But now that we...where do...I mean to say what...we should..."

She bit her lip and resisted the urge to pace as well. "I don't know."

He stopped for a moment. "What?"

"Now that we have, I don't know where. I don't know what. I know that we should."

He blushed a bit and tried to hide his embarrassed smile. _For God's sake, could he not even form a simple sentence?_ "I've never been a man that's been comfortable without a plan."

"No. You haven't." She couldn't resist the urge to stand any longer and she walked to him, straightening his already impeccable jacket. "Charles, I don't see that we need to _**do** _anything."

"No?" He was confused.

"I _love_ you. You love me. We know that. But that's nothing new, is it?"

He grasped her shoulders. "No. No, I suppose not. But there are new, ah, dimensions to our...to our..."

She looked to the floor. "Relationship."

He nodded once gratefully. "Relationship."

Her hands pressed a little harder into his chest as she ran her hands up the length of him. "I certainly wouldn't want to go back to our previous standards of affection." She looked at him from beneath her eyelashes. "Would you?"

He cleared his throat and glanced distractedly at the door. "Certainly not. I'm ashamed of myself if that wasn't made clear last night."

She smiled and stood a bit higher on her toes, placing light kisses along his jaw. "Well, that's a relief." She felt him swallow beneath her lips and ran her tongue along his pulse point.

He was struggling to form words. He gripped her back, careful to be more gentle than he had been the night before. "So we'll have to be deliberate in finding time to spend...alone." He turned her head to his and met her lips in a deep kiss, not letting go of the taste of her until he was out of breath and dizzy.

Through broken breaths she answered him. "Lots of time. Lots and lots of time."

He leaned down to her neck, lightly biting and kissing and nuzzling her neck while she ran fingers through the hair at the base of his neck. "You have a parlor." **Kiss**. "I have my pantry." **Kiss**. "There's the wine cellar."

She laughed. "Charles!"

**Kiss.** "And the blue room." **Kiss**. "And the..."

The knock on Elsie's door brought them both back to reality with a moan.

She took a deep breath to steady her voice. "Yes, what is it?"

Anna cringed a bit when she saw the scene before her, not too naive to believe that she wasn't ruining a moment. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Hughes. It was Mr. Carson that I was looking for."

He took a step toward her. "Yes, Anna?"

"It's Mr. Branson, sir. He's asked to see you."


End file.
